Bonus sexting tips included!
Are you worried that you just don’t know how to do that dirty talk thing?
Does it sometimes feel weird to you, like you don’t know how to talk dirty in a way that’s genuine?
So maybe it’s just me, but I LOVE talking dirty. There’s nothing quite like the thrill of receiving a text message and having to make sure no one can see your screen before you open it.
However, it’s surprisingly challenging to have a super sexy conversation — even with people with whom you’ve already had sex!
Lots of people give up on dirty talk without ever trying.
They might feel embarrassed about not knowing what to say. They might worry that the other person won’t like it. Or they might wonder whether it’ll change how that person thinks about them.
Why does it even matter if you talk dirty?
I think that when you free up your tongue (or your thumbs) to do some talking, it sets you up for all kinds of sexual success. It gives you an unmatched window into how what your partner likes AND it easily sets the scene for your next in-person opportunity. Dirty talk is also awesome in long distance relationships, in polyamorous/open situations where you may not see that lover as often, or when you’re looking for a way to spice up your sex life.
Here’s a foolproof way to think through the process of talking dirty:
1. Set the scene.
- Make sure they WANT to talk dirty now — and with you.
- Figure out any preferred terms (for instance ways they talk about their body parts, names they do/don’t like to be called).
- Discuss any boundaries (such as time, activities they don’t want to talk about, etc.).
2. Start slow.
In the real world, you don’t walk in the door and then immediately start pounding away. Sexting and dirty talk are no different.
3. Build anticipation.
Could you go from “Hi!” to orgasm in a couple of minutes? Sure! But that doesn’t feel NEARLY as good as when you take a long time building up your pleasure.
Also, don’t be afraid to tease! If your partner starts begging you to do something, you know you’re on the right track.
4. Let them know what you’re enjoying and how much.
- Tell them how your body is reacting.
- Let them “hear” your responses (moan, grunt, whisper, scream. (If you’re sexting, you can always type these.)
- Ask for more.
- Tell them when you’re “there.”
5. Thank them and plan for next time.
- Let them know what you particularly liked.
- Talk about whether they’d be up for more and, if so, when.
Remember, even the shyest person can use these steps to ROCK at talking dirty!
While you're thinking about getting your dirty talk game on, check out this video for help finding the courage to be authentic — about it all.
This article was originally published at Sex Positive Psych. Reprinted with permission from the author.