You read that right. Oh-so-right.
Enjoyment of and fascination with one’s own butthole can get a bad rap. Freud deemed it one of his psychosexual “stages,” thereby guaranteeing negative societal judgment of it for about a full century now. And if you’re a straight dude? Forget it: all the narrow-minded sexist homophobes will call you gay and girly (as if those were bad things) and not a “real” man.
So it’s nice when a married dude can open up, as it were, about his fantasies, not only anonymously to people on a sex advice site, but intimately to his own wife. Even nicer is the fact that a wife can be open to hearing such things without judgment or ridicule.
I had a very interesting weekend.
Years ago, I started collecting dildos to use on myself. I had a girlfriend in college who loved to watch me do myself in various ways while she pleased herself. Our sex was very intense, as it is at that age. She loved it and I loved to do it.
Years later, I moved cities, went back to school, met a girl, fell in love and we married. I still had a fascination with dildos and secretly kept using them. Over the years, the size of them increased as I have found that size does matter when wanting a stretched feeling. I like the feeling of being full and then loose afterward. It’s safe and clean if done correctly, so no, it’s not gross.
Anyway, early in our marriage I decided to show her my collection. She was shocked and did not know how to react. I felt bad for pushing the idea on her; she felt bad for not knowing how to react. So we sort of dropped it with her saying she was happy that I knew how to pleasure myself.
I continued to keep it to myself after that, although she made it clear she was ok with it, just not interested. We did try a small strap on once and it was awkward. We left it alone.
I continued my habit of dildos and even shemale porn. Now, I’m a normal guy with great respect for my wife and she also treats me with great respect. But desire is desire and that’s how that goes.
Our sex life continued, although with the normal slowing through years of being married. She is on a medication that does limit her interest in sex so it had become a chore to figure out when we both felt the drive for sex and would try to make it happen. Lately we’ve been trying to make it happen every weekend and it’s wonderful and we love each other.
This weekend . . .
I have a larger sized realistic dildo, with a big head, veins, balls, etc; it looks very real, feels very fleshy… yada yada.
I paused, remembered that I had forgotten it in there. Okay, I hadn’t forgotten it. I had been using it every day in the bathroom without having an orgasm so that I wouldn’t spend my energy on myself. I wanted to be ready for the weekend. But I wanted her to see it. I knew in my heart that she would be fine with it and would understand, be open, and totally cool. She was.
She told me that she thought it was very large and was surprised. I was ready to confess all of my fantasy habits, so I did. I told her that I had bigger dildos. That I use them a lot, that I watch shemale porn, that I fantasize about them, that I wasn’t gay and that I just liked what I liked in addition to what we had together.
I guess I was hoping that she would welcome it into our mutual lives. I told her I was open to any question she had about it and she asked me if I was gay, no, fine, did I want to find a shemale, no, ok.
She was happy that I told her, that I know how to pleasure myself, was happy to have me bring a butt plug into the bed that night and we had amazing sex. She told me she was sad that I had hid it from her all these years and that she feels I should be doing it and that she was happy that the dildos had returned.
She said it with honesty and kindness. I used the butt plug on myself while we had sex and she had a very intense orgasm. I did too, of course.
She didn’t offer to do me with anything but she did say that we could try again like we did so many years ago.
I say all of this because odd turn-ons and kinky behavior is only bad if it’s not received well by the other half.
I don’t want to hook up with transgender people, it’s a fantasy. She understands this. The dildos, they’re part of the fantasy but also just a general exploration in pleasing my body.
I feel this has opened the door to a more open and intense sexual experience with my wife, remaining monogamous, of course. She told me some of her fantasies and I think we have found a way to communicate more about our desires.
It’s a good thing. I always knew I married the right one.
This article was originally published at Em & Lo. Reprinted with permission from the author.