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If these sound familiar, you'll capture his heart in no time.
By Rani St. Pucchi — Last updated on Oct 19, 2022
"You never get a second chance to make a first impression” may sound clichéd. But did you know that within the first five minutes of meeting with a man, he has already formed an opinion of you?
Many times, we wish for the right people to come into our lives, and we don’t understand why we can never seem to attract them.
What makes a woman irresistible to men? This is a question that seems to elude most single women.
On New Year’s Eve, a group my friends gathered around a cozy fire facing Lake Arrowhead on a chilly but clear night. There are many single, smart men in our group, and the conversation steered toward what exactly it is that single men are looking for in a woman.
The universal feedback clearly indicated that the answer is actually quite simple.
Alain’s story, as narrated here, encompasses everything that men initially find most attractive in a woman.
Alain happens to be at the Polo Lounge of the Beverly Hills Hotel on this Friday evening. He has just come out of a long and tedious meeting, and he is ready to spend a laid-back evening just listening to the wonderful live music and later get a bite to eat before going back to his bachelor pad.
Alain is single and in his late thirties. He has been so busy growing his law practice these past few years that he has not had time for any relationship. Some evenings, such as this one, he wishes he had someone significant to share his life with. His friends are all married now and weekends are starting to feel somewhat lonely. Even though he’s been introduced to a few women, he just doesn’t feel they are for him.
On this particular evening, he’s seated at the bar savoring his glass of cabernet sauvignon, sipping slowly, deeply immersed in his thoughts. Just then, he looks up and sees a very attractive woman walk in and order a drink at the bar.
He sees her profile; her silky brown hair is tucked behind one ear, and she’s wearing a soft, lilac-colored dress. She turns to look at the crowd, and Alain sees her hazel-colored eyes and her bright warm smile. Their eyes lock. She’s pretty and carries herself confidently. Alain doesn’t look away and neither does she. This lasts for a nice, long moment.
He considers walking over to the end of the bar where she is standing, now with a girlfriend who has just joined her, and introducing himself. He wonders if she is single. He hopes she will not think he is one of those men who inevitably hang out at bars chasing women. He hesitates, feeling quite shy now.
He wonders, “What exactly am I looking for in a woman?”
It’s been far too long since he dated anyone, let alone met anyone with whom he felt as if the first meeting could turn into a first date. His past encounters have been quite disappointing.
These 13 qualities make a woman irresistible to men
1. Confidence.
She doesn’t have a big ego, mind you. But she feels secure in who she is and assumes she is awesome in her own right. She commands respect merely by the way she carries herself. She knows how to set boundaries and take care of her emotional needs.
She shows that she is genuinely interested in finding out what is also awesome about the man she has just met. Visual being that he is, little escapes his notice as he appreciates how she carries herself, the clothes she’s wearing, her walk, her hair, her “all.” Confidence in a woman is very attractive and actually very sexy.
2. Physical magnetism.
What makes a woman irresistible and initially attracts a man is body language through outer appearances. She is well-groomed and takes pride in every detail of her appearance, not just the clothes she is wearing or the way she wears her hair and makeup.
She looks both well-dressed and sexually appealing and has the “little” things, like well-manicured nails, good oral hygiene, a soft and subtle scent instead of reeking of perfume. Men notice all the little details and appreciate a woman who takes care of her appearance from the inside out.
3. A tasteful sense of humor.
A woman who smiles shows that she is generally a happy person. She is not shallow and does not laugh too often or too long at what may not be funny enough. Nor does she agree too quickly before he has expressed any actual points or ideas, either.
And above all, she is never sarcastically funny or makes jokes at her date’s expense. She is sincere and skips the sharp-edged wit. A good sense of humor is a woman’s greatest asset.
4. Presence.
She is focused on what a man is saying instead of fidgeting with her napkin, her hair, or shuffling through other thoughts such as, “I wonder what he does?” or “How do I look?” or “Will he be the guy I marry?”
Her mind is totally clear and she hears the words of the man she is with instead of being mentally distracted.
She looks at him while he’s talking and is really committed to listening. He can feel her attention, her eyes on his lips, and her reaction to the words he is saying. There is nothing more romantic than letting the man she is with know that she is totally present with him.
5. Passion.
She is passionate about herself, her beliefs, and what’s important to her in the world. She is passionate when sharing her ideas, her hobby, her job, her art, her family, or anything she's into.
It doesn’t matter what it is that she’s conveying. She’s letting him know what she wants in life and what she’s actively pursuing.
When he hears her passion, he is able to understand her better and also know that she will support whatever it is that he may be passionate about.
6. Intelligence.
A woman who can hold a respectful, respectable, and intelligent conversation is admirable. She proves that she can hold her own in any setting, at any meeting, in a restaurant, or at any family event and gathering.
She is a woman he is proud to introduce to his friends and family.
7. Her independence is unshakeable.
Men admire a woman who has a fulfilling life, who has lots of friends, has activities that she loves to get involved in, whose work is very fulfilling to her, who is independent, and who does not depend on him for her happiness.
8. She shows her appreciation.
Any woman who shows her appreciation for all that her partner does wins his heart. Acknowledgment and appreciation are the fuel a man runs on in a relationship.
More than anything, he needs her to understand and validate him and to let him know that he makes her happy by all that he brings to the relationship.
9. She knows her own value and recognizes it in others.
Men like to know that they’re providing something of great value to the relationship, a sense of mission and purpose.
A woman who makes a man feel needed and valued makes him want to love and care for her more deeply.
10. She is consistent about being loyal.
For men, love is loyalty. They appreciate a woman who will stand by them no matter what happens. This includes setbacks in life.
For example, if his business sees a downturn and he cannot bring home as much as he used to, or if his health suffers and he needs her to stand by him and nurture him. If her loyalty is real and unimpeachable, she will have him for life.
11. She maintains a calm demeanor.
A healthy, masculine man is turned off by a woman who is too talkative or who brags about herself and her accomplishments.
He cannot hold on to his masculinity in her presence and will either feel emasculated or leave. He appreciates a woman with a calm presence.
12. She knows how to receive.
She loves to feel cherished and pampered, to have the man open the car door for her, take care of her, hold her hand when crossing the streets, and to be attentive to her in restaurants and among friends and family. She feels nurtured and safe and protected, and her graciousness makes the man feel he is needed and valued.
He sees through his actions that she’s happy, and because she appreciates and acknowledges him, he feels like he has won her over.
13. She intuitively trusts her own opinion.
He respects a woman who knows and trusts in what she wants and is comfortable in expressing her opinions and her needs.
Forming opinions of him based on what her friends or family think, mentally inviting people to sit on the judges’ panel, and perhaps disqualifying him immediately after they meet is a big mistake.
It does not give her a chance to get to know the real person he is.
Many women have the habit of testing the man they meet on their very first date rather than giving themselves permission to discover what exactly they may like about each other.
Getting back to our story about Alain: Coming out of his reverie, he gets up to walk over to the woman at the bar, but he sees that she has already moved away with her friend and out the door.
Another opportunity missed. He wonders if he will ever meet her again, and if so, will he hesitate or will he at least take a chance? What would he say to her if he could be with her now? Hopefully, he will be ready the next time he meets a woman he is attracted to.
The scene painted here clearly shows what draws men to want to know you better in the initial stages of courtship. A man who is courting is ready to commit soon after he meets you. He is drawn at first to your outward beauty, and within minutes of having a dialogue with you, he knows if you have potential.
Then he begins to pursue you with dates, phone calls, and little gestures such as gifts, flowers, and cards. He is, in essence, saying that he has met a woman who could be his potential lover, wife, mother of his children, and he is committed to entering a long-term, monogamous relationship with you that may or may not culminate in a marriage.
It does not matter how good you are for each other. Until you understand what makes a woman irresistible, what men are looking for, what drives and motivates them, what their priorities are, and what love means to them, your plans, your dreams, and your desires for a solid relationship may well be for nothing.
Many women believe they have to be perfect to show up. Men — the genuine, loving kind — like women who are willing to show their flaws, who are available to receive love. They appreciate women who are transparent, vulnerable, and open.
Men don’t love us for what we do; they love us for who we are.
Our state of being is what attracts them to love us, which is why it’s so important for women to embrace and embody the essence of authentic, empowered femininity.
It’s a myth that men are intimidated by a strong woman. In reality, it’s not that men don’t want an independent woman, but they want to feel they are of value and that they are needed for something. They want to feel like they are contributing added value in some way to the relationship and that you need them — not that you couldn’t survive without them, but that they really add a tremendous amount to your life.
Men are also clueless for the most part, and since they don’t come with mind-reading capabilities, they are looking at you to tell them what you like and dislike. Share with him, let him know, and show him so that he can win with you. And when he does the things that you like, then acknowledge and appreciate him.
Men are simple beings. There are three main things that matter to them; it is their mission in life.
Happy and fulfilled men are mainly driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. Stability is important to them because they want nothing more than to make sure they can provide for and protect their family.
Men want to feel needed and appreciated, and they want your loyalty. They want to impress you either by their resources, their history, their wit, or their intelligence. They need to think they can make you happy by giving you what you need — what they think you need. Their love is really as simple and as direct as this.
If you can lavish praise and let your partner win and be acknowledged — without feeling like you are losing your power — it makes you magnetic to his love.
If you can make him feel he has your support in understanding his vision, focusing on his dreams, and implementing his plan — while you’re nurturing him and letting him know how much you appreciate him — then the world is your oyster.
There is nothing a man will not do for you when he knows how much you care, that you are behind him and cheering him on.
“I see my beauty in you, I become a mirror that cannot close its eyes to your longing.” — Rumi
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Rani St. Pucchi is a regular contributor to YourTango, The Huffington Post, Thrive Global, and Medium. She is also a fashion designer and the founder of Bridal House St. Pucchi. St. Pucchi has authored four books including, most recently, Gold in the Cracks: Move from Shattered to Whole and Reveal Your Light. This article is an excerpt from her second book, The Soulmate Checklist: Keys to Finding Your Perfect Partner.