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Sometimes, you can be just as lonely when you sit next to someone who's supposed to love you.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on May 18, 2020
Having talked to a lot of housewives in my day, I’ve noticed a strange trend among these ladies that’s made me rethink marriage altogether. Though they may have that wedding ring I so covet, and though their husbands promised they’d never leave their sides, these women don’t act taken.
I don’t mean that in the sense of them being flirtatious; rather, they act like they are only person in the household who is putting in any adult effort, and that makes them act more like bachelors than wives.
Most of the moms I meet act single, primarily because their husbands leave them alone for so long that they may as well have never married at all. I call these ladies “married single moms,” and I don’t envy them. After all, it’s really hard to see why they’d bother staying married when they are basically feeling alone in their marriage.
The signs you're a married single mom may not be obvious at first.
But if you notice any of these, you might want to rethink your relationship so you can find a husband who actually acts like a partner rather than dead weight.
1. The vast majority of childcare and housework is done by you — and you don’t get a break.
Here’s the thing about being a housewife that a lot of guys don’t get: it takes a lot of work. Moms who don’t get breaks and don’t have husbands who pitch in often feel like they’re the only ones doing work and that will cause resentment, big time.
2. Actually, you’re in charge of the childcare, housework, and income.
This is the point where you may just want to admit that your husband is dead weight in the relationship. If you were to leave him, he’d be the one suffering, not you.
3. You resent your husband.
Both for sleeping in on the weekends and going out for days at a time, primarily because you don’t ever get to do the same.
There’s something to be said about being left alone for days or weeks at a time. It's lonely, and it often indicates that your husband is not taking your needs into account.
If you constantly feel like you’re being forced to “hold down the fort” but never get thanks for it, you’re a married single mom.
4. You stopped expecting him to make time for date night or even dinner.
This is a sign that you’ve subconsciously just given up hope on him actually being there for you. At this point, you might want to ask yourself if you’re actually getting anything out of the relationship.
5. When a household fixture breaks, you’re the one who will take care of it.
And you’re so used to it that you no longer even bother telling him about it.
If this is the norm, and it’s not because you enjoy fixing things, congrats. You have become both the man and the woman of the house. (Why are you with him again?)
6. You feel like you have an extra child.
Technically, you probably do. It’s called a Man-Child, and you married one. This is a particularly rough kind of single mom-dom that can only get better by dropping the kidult and seeking a better partner.
7. He’s away for the majority of the week, whether you like it or not.
Though they may have to be away for work, there’s a certain point where your relationship will suffer as a result of his absence. Obviously, this can be a good time to ask yourself if you are actually working through it, or if you’re just more worried about no one being there for you.
8. If your husband died tomorrow, not much would change about your house routine.
Sure, you might be sad about it, but realistically, nothing would change except for your financial situation at most. You’d still be the one doing all the work and keeping everything in order.
9. You could probably have an affair and he’d never notice.
If you don’t think he’d notice if you were sneaking around, it’s a sign that you are no longer married on an emotional level. Even if he’s physically present as a roommate, this is a sign that it’s 100 percent over.
10. You feel like you got a “bait and switch” deal.
You know that marriage is supposed to be a partnership, but you don’t feel anything like a real partner here. If you feel cheated out of the good parts of marriage, you’re probably a married single mom.
11. You stopped asking your husband to help you with anything.
Because all he’ll do is call you a “nag” or just delay doing it until you do it yourself. This is very common among women who have husbands who just refuse to pull their weight and be an adult.
When this happens, it’s not that his job is keeping you from having a marriage. It’s that he just doesn’t care enough to keep you happy or even keep you feeling like you’re taken.
12. Even though you’re married, you feel very alone in your relationship.
Do you feel like everything is one-sided? Do you feel isolated? Are most of your pleas for help, affection, and attention falling on deaf ears?
If so, you’re living single life while still married. You may need to fix that.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. She writes primarily about lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships. You can follow her Twitter.