Photo: courtesy of the author
A 17-year friendship, down the drain.
By Hope Evans — Written on Aug 23, 2019
“I’m engaged,” I said on the phone to my best friend, A.
In the next breath after hearing her cheerfully shout "yay," I asked, “Will you be my maid of honor?” I couldn’t choose between my two best friends, so I decided to make them both my maids of honor.
When I went to look at wedding dresses, A was right there to provide me with feedback. “I really love this one, but it’s completely up to you. It’s your special day and I’m here to do whatever you need.”
At the time, I was living in Tennessee and I was planning a wedding in Pennsylvania, so it was a bit difficult to coordinate. But A lived in PA, so it caused less stress because she could do the things I couldn't do: try on the bridesmaid dresses, help my mom plan my bridal shower, and so on.
She was doing everything that was asked of her and more... in the beginning.
But then my mom said she had trouble getting a hold of my maid of honor. She promised she’d help my mom with décor for my bridal shower, but never showed up to help or called with any explanation.
She was flaky whenever I tried to call or text her about my bridal shower. I could sense the distance between us. I began to get the vibe she was physically there, but her heart and mind were no longer in it.
When I told my bridal party they needed to order their dress by June, she kept making excuses and said she couldn’t go to the boutique to try it on. I had to keep at her, begging her to please order the dress because it could potentially be discontinued. She still took her time buying the dress, though.
When it came to planning my bachelorette party, she left the Facebook group that was created for all the bridesmaids to chat when a suggestion she made was shot down. Not to mention she refused to sleep over on the night of the party, arrived late, and was the first to leave. I felt so frustrated and hurt.
Over the next month, I never heard from her. She never checked in to see how everything was going. She didn’t ask if I needed anything and she certainly didn't communicate with the other bridesmaids on anything.
The last straw was when she made a big deal that her fiancé had to stay at the hotel while the bridal party went to the rehearsal dinner.
“Why didn’t you tell me he couldn’t come? So now he has to sit in the room all night? I just don’t think it's going to work, Hope."
I paused. “What do you mean?”
She simply said she wasn’t sure if she could attend my rehearsal dinner. I had multiple conversations with family and other friends, and they all suggested kicking her to the curb.
So, four days before my wedding, I called her. She didn’t pick up, so I left her a message stating that not only was I firing her, but I didn't want her to come to my wedding at all.
Hours later, she wanted to talk but I refused to listen. There was nothing left to say. I didn’t want to hear her apology because my mind was made up.
Then, she sent me a long text that indicated to me she just didn’t get it. She never apologized; instead, she said that she hoped years from now we’d look back and laugh.
We still haven’t spoken to this day. There went my 17-year friendship. I don’t regret firing her — I regret making her my maid of honor.
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Hope Evans is a writer whose work has been featured in Mogul and PuckerMob. Follow her on Facebook.