People Who Are Good With Money Are Also Luckier In Love

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how money effects relationships
Love

Here's why, and what you can learn from them.

I'm a writer. 

I thought it would be a good idea to get a Master's degree in Playwriting (clearly a lucrative field).  And I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. 

I've always taken my limited economic aspirations in stride.

I don't ignore the bad stuff, and I work hard to stay on the up and up.

But I had no idea that my lack of dollars and my not-great credit score could make finding lasting love more difficult. 

According to research done by the Federal Reserve, couples with higher credit scores have a better chance at finding love.

So that's not good for any of us who have sad little credit scores. 

But it gets worse!

Couples with big disparities in their credit scores have a greater likelihood of ending within the first five years. 

It's a tough pill to swallow, but when you look at what can go happen when you're dating someone and one of you has less money, it becomes very clear that like it or not, money, credit, and how we talk about these things CAN have a very real and detrimental effect on your relationship.

Here are 5 things that are likely to happen in relationships where at least one person is financially struggling, that make people who are better with money luckier in relationships:

 

1. Financial independence can help prevent communication issues. 

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When one person in a relationship is the breadwinner or even just the one with the better credit score, communication is one of the first legs on the table of your relationship that gets kicked out.

That's right, I just compared the most important relationship in your life to a table. 

DEAL WITH IT. 

Money may be necessary, but that doesn't mean that it still doesn't make stuff awkward in relationships.

If one person is paying the rent, paying the bills, and buying the groceries, it's bound to make the other person in the relationship feel like they need to be careful about what they say and how they say it. 

I've been in relationships where I was the poor-ass busted credit score-having partner and believe me, I held a lot of stuff back because I felt that the financial burden my partner was taking made my grievances less valid. 

They aren't! 

But unfortunately, when you're in this situation, it's almost impossible to see that.

Being dependent doesn't mean you have to keep your issues quiet.

When you stop talking, you stop communicating, and communication in relationships is important.

I learned that from magazines. And everyone, ever. Basically. 

 

2. Being good with your money can prevent resentment from building. 

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So let's say that you're the rich and good credit score-having member of your relationship.

(Oh, role play, hottttt). 

When you take on that burden, even though you're happy to do it, whether or not you are conscious of it, you can develop expectations about what your partner is bringing to the table. 

Vanderpump Rules has a great example of this, and if you aren't watching it OH MY GOD WHY NOT? 

Jax Taylor is the primary breadwinner in his household. 

He's perpetually awful towards his girlfriend because he believes what he is bringing to the table has "earned" him stuff like her making him a sandwich every single day.

If you are your partner have an agreement about what they can do to help out instead of helping out financially, that's great. 

But if you DON'T make that agreement, you can't randomly expect your partner to take up the role of housewife without having a conversation about it. 

They'll resent you, you'll resent them, and the whole thing will feel like a bad episode of Mad Men

It's not good to have a relationship where one is in a "parent" role, unless that's your kink in the bedroom, then that's your business. 

 

3. Being able to pay your own bills helps reduce insecurity. 

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Like it or not, what you earn and your financial standing make you feel better as a person or worse, as the case may be.

I could stand on a mountaintop for years yelling "how you handle money has nothing to do with your value" and couples would still break-up because one of them couldn't shoulder the guilt of being the reason they couldn't buy a house together. 

If someone else is paying your bills and your rent, it's normal to feel insecure.

If your situation changes and you breakup, you'll be screwed, you're dependent on them (more of that lovely resentment we talked about earlier). 

It goes double for the person with the money and the good credit score. 

Dollars can't protect you from worrying (even irrationally) that your partner is only sticking around for some of that sweet, sweet green.

But not requiring them to be able to pay your bills can help you feel less insecure. 

 

4. Reducing money stress clears the way for good sex. 

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There is nothing worse than feeling "obligated" to have sex.

Let's get one thing clear really quick, you NEVER EVER EVER have to have sex when you don't want to have sex.

Just because someone else is paying your rent that does not buy that access to you or your body.

That said, it can very often feel that way in relationships where money and credit are dividing factors. 

When sex begins to feel transactional it's gross. 

Your sex drive dwindles, and you're not alone, when you feel financially strapped to someone.

That's why financially healthy couples (and individuals!) are probably having more sex ... and better sex!

 

5. Financially secure couples are more likely to stay together. 

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Having read these items it's no surprise that relationships between people with mismatched money skills these very often end in breakups. 

It doesn't matter if you're married or dating, if you're both financially more secure, your relationship is more likely to survive.

That feels like bad news for every one else... but of course, it doesn't HAVE to be that way. 

At least, not in my opinion.

Money isn't an easy thing to talk about. 

But neither is love and sex and fear, and all the other stuff that we need to conquer in order to make our relationships thrive. 

If we can do that why not put in the hard work of zapping the taboo out of how we feel about money and credit?

It's not an impossible feat, at least, I don't think it is. 

It just means realizing how hard a disparity in income or credit can make your relationship.

If you go in with that knowledge and work on that together, you should be able to stand just as much of chance of making as any other couple. 

*CUE THE SOARING THEME MUSIC OF THE TRIUMPH OF LOVE* 

You got this. 

 
And of course, if you're the couple who are both money geniuses, then congrats, and keep up the good work! 
 

 

 

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