I'm sorry, what?!
Lately, a lot of people have been talking about how our country is going to hell in a hand basket.
They aren't wrong.
But it's been headed that way for a while.
Especially for women.
That's why millions of women marched in those record-breaking global marches the day after the inauguration. We're worried.
Critics responded with, "What more do you want from us? Aren't you already equal and safe?!"
The answer is very clearly NO.
One thing that is super scary for women about Donald Trump's presidency is our fear that any progress we were making to help prevent sexual assault is going to be lost.
After all, there is a TON of work to be done. There are a lot of patchy sexual assault laws all across the country, so that what's legal in one place might be illegal everywhere else.
We had hope that Obama and Biden might work to help correct some of these awful things, they started to with that great It's On Us campaign, spearheaded by Joe Biden.. Or that Hillary Clinton might be able to pick up some of the slack to fix these problems.
Read that again.
Now read it one more time.
If you are a passed out woman (or teenager) who has been drinking alcohol and a man puts his mouth on your genitals you without your consent, it is NOT. AGAINST. THE. LAW.
He can also put his penis in your mouth if you're passed out from being drunk without your consent and it's legal.
"Well," you might be saying, "That's just Oklahoma. It's the wild west! Anything goes out there. I bet you can do almost anything you want and it would be legal there!"
To which I say, nope.
In fact, Oklahoma has a buttload of laws that are outdated, ridiculous, sexist, and just plain strange.
But performing oral sex without someone's consent is not one of them.
And it's not just Oklahoma. This case is just one example of awful, ass-backwards anti-woman stuff that is happening everywhere.
But, to follow this example, just so everyone gets it...
Orally raping an unconscious person is not illegal in Oklahoma, but THESE 24 dumb ass things that ARE illegal.
And you wonder why we feel like we aren't equal!? Like our lives aren't important?
Here you go:
1. Having sex with a goat.
2. Taking a bite out of someone else's hamburger.
3. Spitting on the sidewalk.
4. Carrying a fish in an open fishbowl on a bus.
5. Making "ugly faces" at dogs.
6. Leaving your car untethered outside public buildings.
7. Pretending to have sex with a buffalo in a bar.
8. Having three or more dogs on private property without a permit.
9. Going to bed with boots on.
10. Putting a hypnotized person on display in a window.
11. Tipping over a casket at a funeral.
12. Washing your clothes in a birdbath
13. Taking elephants into the downtown area.
15. Leaning against a public building.
16. Promoting a "horse tripping" event.
17. Doing your own hair without a license.
18. Having tissues in the back of your car.
19. Having consensual oral sex.
20. Reading a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
22. Owning a stink bomb.
23. Gambling while wearing a towel.
24. Having the hind legs of farm animals in your boot.
I mean, at least they are being consistently bizarre.
But that's about the best thing I can say for them.