Photo: WeHeartIt
Comfort is just the beginning.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Dec 28, 2016
I am sick and tired of people crinkling their noses up at granny panties.
Sure, thongs are cute, and yes, lacy drawers have a certain charm.
But somewhere along the line granny panties became the butt of every underwear based joke on the planet and that is just not okay.
Why?
FOR SO MANY REASONS.
For one, have you ever tried having your period while wearing a thong?
No, no you have not because that would be madness.
Instead when ol' lady period comes to call you probably have a reliable pair of granny panties you break out to celebrate.
But that's just one thing that make granny panties secretly the best underwear there is.
Here are 9 more reasons it kicks ass.
1. Granny panties are comfortable.
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Let's be real.
Thongs are a bitch.
In order to wear them and be happy you have to "get used to" the feeling of having floss in you butt.
Not so with granny panties.
They are cozy, comfortable and expansive.
2. Granny panties are flattering.
Granny panties hide a myriad of sins.
They cover up fat rolls.
They lift up saggy butts.
No weird lines in weird places with a kick ass pair of granny panties, friends.
3. Granny panties stay put.
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Thongs ride up into your butt.
Boy shorts roll up on your thighs.
Low rise panties sneak down for a shot of butt crack.
Granny panties stay exactly what you put them.
Which is, you know, presumably over your butt and vagina.
4. Granny panties deter thieves.
If a burglar breaks into your house and they start rifling through your underwear, they will probably stop and leave your house.
They thought you were a hip young person with electronics to steal.
Turns out you're just some granny with only sugar-free candy to nick.
Bye bye thieves and thank you big ol' knickers.
5. Granny panties don't turn guys off.
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You know who actually doesn't care about granny panties?
Guys.
If they are anything other than happy to be seeing your underwear, they might express mild surprise at the size of your underpants.
But they do not care.
All they care about is what's underneath.
It's like little kids and wrapping paper.
And some guys even LOVE the look of granny panties.
6. Granny panties make excellent slingshots.
Should you find yourself in a need to shoot forth dangerous projectiles, your granny panties can help.
Whip them off, load them with rocks and hooligans beware!
And what could be sexier than a woman fully armed to protect herself? Nothing, obviously.
Granny panties or DEADLY WEAPONS?
You decide.
7. Granny panties are cheap, so you can always keep them in good shape.
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It is crazy to me how much money women spend on fancy underwear.
Granny panties don't have any pretense.
They know what they are and are priced to match.
Is it an ego-boost to buy underwear in a bulk pack at the grocery store?
No.
But the end result is savings and never having to shop for underwear again.
And when your granny panties start to look dingy, you can just buy more!
8. Granny panties are low maintenance.
Forget hand washing and letting them line dry on a 68-degree day.
Toss your granny panties into the wash and then the dryer.
Hell, put them in the dishwasher if you want.
They require zero special attention.
And a low maintenance lifestyle is hot as hell.
9. Granny panties are great for hiding things.
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Let us say that your boyfriend is in prison.
You want to bring him a cake, but cakes are not allowed in prison.
Easy: put the cake in your granny panties.
God knows they are big enough to store at least a large slice.
Well-wrapped, obviously.
I'm not a monster.
