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"I still fall in love... but not because I want to hook up with the person."
By Sloane Solomon — Written on Jan 13, 2022
What is asexual? The term asexual has been widely misunderstood.
Asexuality means a person who does not experience sexual attraction at all towards any gender.
People who are asexual do not have a fear of relationships or sex — they just don't feel any sexual attraction and are generally not interested in engaging in any type of sexual activity.
Although there are still debates over whether asexual people should be included in the LGBT+ community, there are many people who identify as asexual. And it is a sexual orientation.
So, for individuals who don't quite understand what asexuality is, here are some honest confessions about what it's really like to be an asexual person:
1. You don't even understand it yourself sometimes.
"Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever accept myself for being asexual."
2. You do want love — just not sex.
"I'm asexual but yes, I still fall in love... but not because I want to hook up with the person."
3. It's hard being asexual because you still have a sex drive.
"Being an asexual with a libido is like being in a room full of clothes that don't fit, so you sit in the middle of the floor naked and crying."
4. People just don't understand.
"Came out as asexual. No one believed me."
5. And sometimes, they get asexuality all wrong.
"Because I'm asexual, people assume that I'm happy being single and never have crushes. Oh, how wrong they are."
6. No, you are not "broken."
"People ask me if I am broken when I tell them that I am asexual. I'm not broken. I'm just me."
7. You know you're asexual because neither gender has aroused you.
"I think I'm asexual because I'm not attracted to either gender. I've done things with both genders and I don't feel anything."
8. It can feel like a double-edged sword.
"Being asexual is both freeing and horribly lonely."
9. Sex just doesn't excite you.
"I think I might be asexual. I mean I'm attracted to people and I watch porn but I just see sex as exercise and porn bores the hell out of me."
10. It can be so difficult being asexual.
"It's hard to be asexual in a world where sex is one of the most important things."
11. One of the worst feelings is when your own family won't even accept it.
"Just tried to come out to my mom as asexual. She told me that asexuality wasn't real, I was too young to know, and that I just had to find the right person. Now she's acting like it never happened."
12. It can cause conflicting feelings.
"I love being asexual because it's who I am but I hate the fact that it caused me so much emotional pain."
13. It hurts knowing that you'll miss out on some of life's milestones.
"Being asexual gets depressing when everyone around you starts having babies. It's something I'll likely never be able to do."
14. You feel that acceptance just isn't a possibility.
"Being asexual sometimes just makes me feel unreal because people won't accept the fact I'm not attracted to anyone. People won't accept that asexuality exists."
15. You just don't feel a want for sexual endeavors.
"I am very asexual. I don't want sex. I don't or very rarely have the desire to want to have sex. No wonder I am single."
16. Sometimes, you feel left out.
"I'm asexual... and sometimes I wish I wasn't. Usually during sex ed class when you're expected to be able to relate to the topic."
17. You have to hide your asexuality because no one believes you.
"I'm asexual. Nobody believes me so I've decided not to refer to myself as asexual anymore, if all I'm going to hear is how being asexual is fake or asexual is too picky I'll just stop."
18. People assume things because they judge you by your looks.
"I'm asexual. And no one takes me seriously because I am a redhead with a great body. They make sex jokes about me to my face."
19. Asexuality is not a cover for not being able to find someone to love.
"I'm asexual. No, it's not that I can't find the right person."
20. You finally know what to call your sexual orientation.
"I'm asexual. That's what I am. I just discovered this. All this time, I've been calling it, 'no sex drive'."
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Sloane Solomon is a YourTango editor and writer who covers pop culture, lifestyle topics, and love and relationships.