They make things so much easier.
Divorce is a complicated scenario to think through, particularly because there are so many emotions and so much history between you, your partner, and everyone in your lives. But, ultimately, the decision has to be YOURS.
You can’t worry about what other people think. That’s where a divorce coach comes in.
What does a divorce coach do? In our new Expert video (which you can see above), Senior VP of YourTango Experts Melanie Gorman gathered a group of professional divorce coaches to discuss how coaches can help you figure out what YOU really want from a divorce.
Our Experts — Karen Bigman, Debra Block, Petalyn Albert, and Pegotty Cooper — broke down exactly what divorce coaches bring to the table and explained how coaches can make your divorce experience so much simpler and, in some cases, can even stop a divorce before it starts.
You can see their full discussion in the video, but, taken from their conversation, here are 5 reasons why a divorce coach can be your best friend if you’re considering ending your marriage.
1. They have no agenda.
When you’re going through a divorce (or deciding whether or not to get one), everyone in your life has an opinion. Your family wants you to do this. Your friends want you to do that. Not to mention everything that your spouse, your kids, and even your lawyers want you to do.
But a divorce coach is a completely neutral party. They’re not interested in trying to push the proceedings to a resolution. Their whole purpose is to help you figure out what YOU want to do — not what anyone else wants you to do.
2. They help you think.
A divorce is one of the most stressful things an adult can experience and, when we’re in high-stress situations, it affects our decision-making processes. There’s actual scientific research that backs this up.
In an article for an Association for Psychological Science journal, researchers noted that when people are placed in stressful situations, it severely influences how they view the possible outcomes of their decisions. (They actually pay more attention to potential positive outcomes than negative.)
Knowing this is the case, this is why it can be so valuable to have a thinking partner (or even just a sounding board) when you’re making decisions about a divorce. That’s what a divorce coach does.
3. They put together your team.
Sadly, getting a divorce isn’t always a simple proposition, and you discover that you ultimately need more help than just your attorney.
A divorce can involve a lot of people — financial professionals to help split up your assets, real estate brokers to find everyone a new place to live, psychologists or counselors for your children or any family member (you included) who needs emotional support during the proceedings.
Part of getting a divorce is putting together a team that you feel good about, and a coach can play a crucial role in helping you assemble everyone you need to get your family through the divorce.
4. They develop your plan of attack.
There are so many moving parts to a divorce. Meetings, paperwork, deadlines — it can be a lot to keep track of on your own. However, a good divorce coach will help you develop a project plan and, more importantly, help you figure out what your goals are for the divorce.
What do you really want? What is the most important thing you want to accomplish during the proceedings? A coach can help you keep your eye on the prize and make sure that your wants and needs aren’t overwhelmed by all of the chaos of the divorce.
5. They can save your marriage… if that’s what you really want.
The biggest question that anyone is faced with when they decide they want a divorce is — Do I want to go through with this?
It’s a hard question to answer on your own and, too often, the people in your life have agendas and opinions that aren’t really focused on what you want. But, if you can involve a divorce coach early in the process, they can work with you to answer that question honestly.
They exist to be an unbiased thinking partner. A divorce coach just wants you to make the best choice for YOU. They can walk you through possibilities, help you examine what it will mean to break up with your partner, and, without any emotional stake in the game, really help you figure out if divorce feels right for you.
So, who knows? After talking to a divorce coach, you might decide to give your marriage another chance. It’s the kind of agenda-free advice you would probably never get from an attorney or your angry sister.
This sounds odd, but a divorce coach doesn’t want you to get divorced.
They only want you to make the best, most informed decision possible. And they have so much experience with divorce that they can act as the kind of knowledgeable best friend we all wish we had.
They know what’s up, they can tell you the truth, and they have no reason to lie to you. A divorce coach can be an invaluable resource in a terrible time and, more than anything, they can help you figure out what you really want from your marriage and (if it comes to it) your divorce.
If you’re struggling with how to proceed with a divorce (or if you just don’t know where to get started), please visit the websites of our Expert divorce coaches and contact Debra, Karen, Petalyn, and Pegotty directly. They’re here to help.