It's hip to be square.
I want the picket fence.
And I want to get married.
It can feel so hard to reconcile those desires with the rest of my queer, liberal ways.
I know I'm not alone in feeling embarrassed about wanting to get married some day.
It's hard not to feel like getting married is "old fashioned" or "uncool".
But then I got to thinking...
Since when has something being "cool" or not ever stopped me before?
If you're worried that getting married is only for squares, maybe my thoughts on the matter will help change your mind.
Here are four reasons getting married doesn't mean you're old fashioned or not a good feminist:
1. People have been getting married for thousands of years.
You aren't "weird" or "old fashioned" for wanting to get married!
People have been getting married FOREVER.
It's normal and natural that you would see a tradition set by your own ancestors and want to take part in that.
Marriage exists for a reason, and the fact that people STILL get married is proof of it.
Is marriage hard? Sure. Are all marriages successful? Nope.
But none of that means it isn't perfectly understandable that marriage is something you might want in your life.
2. Just because you're "married" doesn't mean you're any less "you".
During the beginning of the women's rights movement, many women rejected the idea of marriage.
That made sense.
After all, for generations, marriage was just one more way of holding a woman back from reaching her full potential.
Why go to college when you can get married? Why have a career when you can get married?
But now that women have tossed off the shackles, marriage can actually be freeing.
In a marriage, you get to be fully yourself.
You set the terms.
This isn't Betty Crocker's marriage, it's yours, and it's about an equal partnership.
3. Marriage is whatever the people in it decide it's going to be.
Your marriage, your rules.
Just because your parents got married, that doesn't mean you have to turn into them.
You and your partner aren't magically transformed into different people immediately after saying "I do."
You are still you, and you get to define what your marriage is going to look like.
Maybe you'll swing, maybe you're polyamorous, maybe you'll honeymoon by racing each other to the top of a mountain.
That's the beauty of every marriage: they all look a little (or a lot) different.
4. You don't have to super religious for the vows to matter.
A lot of people get hung up on the religious aspect of marriage.
In some religions, marriage is integral.
But that doesn't mean YOU have to be religious to want to get married.
You can go to city hall and get your piece of paper.
What really matters is that the two of you are making promises to each other.
In doing so you're making the conscious decision to make a life with one person and acknowledging that you're going to stick it out no matter what.