This is what he HOPES you’ll say.
Saying that “men like dirty talk” is kind of like saying fish like water and college students are fond of beer. It feels a bit obvious, right?
It doesn’t matter that there are studies that show how positively men respond to women talking dirty — it just feels like a universal truth. If you talk dirty to your man, chances are, he’s going to like it.
But what exactly should you be whispering into his ear during foreplay? Choosing to engage in dirty talk is easy, but it’s much, much harder to know exactly what sort of dirty talk your man is going to love.
Does he want you to talk like a porn star? Like a scared virgin? Like a dominatrix? Should you be crass or coy? What combination of words is really going to turn him on?
If you’ve ever asked yourself those questions, fortunately, you’re not alone. People often go to the r/sex forum on Reddit when they need sexy relationship advice, even when it comes to figuring out the mechanics of how to talk dirty to your man.
The forum has a great post where a woman flat-out asks, “Men of Reddit who like dirty talk, what do you like to hear?” And some of the answers she received were fascinating.
So, if you’re looking to up your sexy talk game in the bedroom, here are several men (and one woman) talking about what men REALLY want to hear when you’re talking dirty to your man.
1. Know your dirty-talk type
There are two distinct types of dirty talk that I really like:
- Submissive: When I want to feel particularly Dom, I love it when my girlfriend acts really submissive. This includes stuff like using a whinier voice, and going for the whole Bambi-eyes thing, and saying stuff like "Have I been a bad girl?" or "What are you going to do to me now?"
- Aggressive: Sometimes I don't want the Dom/Sub dynamic, and prefer the idea of two Doms “butting heads.” During these times, I like it when my GF challenges me ("I bet you couldn't _____") or antagonizes me ("What is that all you've got?"). For the more aggressive sessions, I want her to be as filthy and vile as possible, and to use the filthiest words she can.
2. When in doubt, tease with your dirty talk
The most important thing? Make sure you know your partner's likes and dislikes as well as possible, try to keep a finger on the pulse. The better you know their kinks and mood the better you can react and turn them on. I hope I'm not patronising here, I'm so used to doing my thing I don't really stop to think how other people go about their dirty talk.
Teasing is pretty much a guaranteed winner. Find something you know they want and play on it. Conversely how you respond to being teased is a great turn on. It really depends on the dynamic. "Oh God, I want it so much! Please give it to me! I can't take any more teasing, please <insert sex act here>."
3. Tell him all the dirty things he wants to hear
I'm not male, but here are some suggestions you can try (obviously depending on your comfort level and what you think he will find sexy):
- Describe what's happening: "You're so hard for me,” "I love how hard you are for me," "I'm so wet for you," "You make me so wet/hot.”
- Tell her how much you want him: "I want/need you so fucking badly," "I want/need your mouth on me now/your cock in me now."
- Compliment him: “You [your cock/fingers/tongue] feel so good/amazing,” “I love your hard/thick/fat cock,” “You taste so good/amazing” (if you're going down on him).
- Tell him what you want to do to him: “I want/am going to make you cum so hard,” "I want to suck you off," "I want your cock in my mouth.”
If you have more of a submissive streak:
- Begging for him to fuck you: "Oh please." Him: "Please what?" You: "Please, I want you inside me/I want you to fuck me." Gasping/whimpering out his name (make it a desperate plea). "I want this so badly" (while feeling his erection through clothing).
- Ask if you are pleasing him enough (works nicely during blowjobs): "Am I satisfying/pleasing you, master/sir?" "What can I do to make you feel better (please/satisfy you better)?"
- Beg to please him: "Please, I want to suck you off," "Please let me suck you off," "Please, will you cum in my mouth/face/chest/stomach/pussy/ass?"
- Give him "control" of your orgasms: "Please let/make me cum." "I need to cum so badly, please." "I need you to make me cum, please I'll do anything." While saying this, show how desperate you are, rub your wetness against his cock or fingers, spread your legs wide for him.
4. Practice takling dirty to him in public
Actually, just try saying dirty things to each other first outside the bedroom. I think I learned to talk dirty on a car ride. I felt so weird about saying icky words that I never did in bed. It was sort of like a wall that had to be broken through.
Anyway, talking dirty has got to come from the heart. Don't just say a porn phrase because it sounds whatever, say things because they're what you feel. Let the dirty words be drawn from you. "Sweet baby Jesus, that's good" may be the thing that comes out of your mouth, but you'd never hear it in a porn. It will do fine in the moment, I suspect.
5. Everyone loves a compliment — even a dirty one.
What sort of stuff does he like? What is the wildest thing you have done together? It's one of those things where you have to ease into it. Start with something which you are sure will have a good reaction, and move up from there.
And don't forget, you can never go wrong with sexual compliments. Making someone feel good is sexy.