Finding a good life partner is about finding someone who doesn’t make you contemplate murder.
I remember, back in the day, my mom used to read me fairy tales. The fairy tales often had the same old-fashioned song and dance: troubled princess, perfect prince, and bam, marriage after a minor conflict that took only hours to solve.
And when I got older, people told me other fairy tale stories — these with a little twist. You might have remembered some of these gems...
- “There’s always someone better around the corner.”
- “One of these days, you’ll find the perfect match and he’ll be all over you no matter what you look like, how you dress, or anything else.”
- “Someone will love you for you, just the way you are. You won’t need to improve yourself!”
Notice a pattern with these modern fairy tales? If you’re like me, you probably noticed that they all tell you that you have a “free pass” at being imperfect and you can find love despite flaws. And that’s awesome because none of us are perfect.
What isn’t awesome is that these fairy tales guarantee that you’ll get a perfect human being who is forever tolerant, never gross, never annoying and always perfect in every occasion. Worse still, these fairy tales all seem to guarantee that you’ll live happily ever after without lifting a finger.
It sounds awesome... until you realize the problem with these “grown-up fairy tales.” The problem is that people legit believe them, and life just doesn’t work that way.
Even the most well-behaved, gorgeous person will have traits you don’t like. He might pick his nose. He might have that one habit of loading the dishwasher clumsily and occasionally getting forks stuck at the bottom. Or, maybe he just doesn’t quite do his laundry the way you like it to be done. Whatever it is, every human being alive will have quirks that make you get irked once in a while.
People are not perfect, and there’s a certain point at which you should expect to not find anyone better than the person who you’re with at that moment. So, how can you find love despite flaws if no one is as perfect as the old fairy tales suggest?
That answer’s pretty simple: you need to find the guy who irritates you the least.
Finding a good life partner is about finding someone who doesn’t make you contemplate murder on a regular basis. It’s someone who you’re supposed to be with for life.
That means that feeling “meh” on your wedding day will turn into “I can’t stand his face” when it’s 2 AM and the baby is crying and he won’t get up. That means that feeling slightly bored during courtship will translate into “this dude’s got the excitement level of a rotting fish carcass” when you hear that "oh, so funny" story the 35,126th time.
Basically, you need to think about his flaws for a second and remember that everything he does will be 10 times as annoying as it is right now at certain points in your marriage. If you think he’s not annoying except for one small habit, you’re probably good to go. If you find yourself struggling to tolerate it now, you’ll probably be serving divorce papers in a year. If you already have had screaming matches over it, you might end up putting him in the ER over it, and that's not cool.
If you really want to stay with him but can't handle a habit he has, all is not lost yet. A little communication can help him become less annoying to you, and for you to become less annoying to him. So, if you aren’t sure what to do, try to talk things out at first. You might be able to work things out in a pinch.