Just Because I'm Chunky Doesn't Mean I'm Easy

Photo: Courtesy of the author
body image
Love, Self

We're so desperate we'll put out quickly, right? WRONG.

I'm petite, 5'2", and I've got a lot of junk in the trunk...and in the hips, stomach, and chest. As a curvy Greek woman, my body type came from my late grandmother. My love of food has kept it that way. I've lost and gained weight over time, but I've never been thin.

Chalk it up to genetics or chalk it up to home cooking but I was a heavy child, teenager, and adult. Over the years, my weight climbed and my self-esteem was a horrible mess.

I didn't date in high school so food served as my boyfriend as well as my security blanket and my confidante. It wasn't until college my confidence started building back up and I wanted to find a wonderful guy to date.

Yet, a few things have held me back and one of them has been stuck in my subconscious for so long it's one of the reasons I'm still single in my late thirties.

Let's be honest: The last socially-acceptable prejudice is against overweight people. Everyone thinks fat people want to look that way. We're all lazy, sitting around the house, stuffing our faces with pizza, burgers, and cakes at all hours of the day. We have no self-control, willpower, or desire to fix ourselves.

Society has fed the sick narrative that unless you're a 110-pound waif, no decent man will be with you, you aren't attractive or desirable, and you don't deserve to be loved. And if a guy hits on a fat girl, he's only after sex, and he'll probably get it because nobody wants to date them! These women are so desperate they'll put out quickly.

Some men really do think that chunky women will quickly have sex with them out of sheer gratitude for giving them any attention at all. In fact, we should get on our hands and knees and thank them for even looking at us.

So let me make it clear: Just because I'm overweight doesn't mean I'm "loose" or "slutty." You will definitely not get me in the sack right off the bat. It's not going to happen.

I've gone to my fair of share of bars and clubs over the years to meet eligible men. In my twenties, I hit the nightlife scene, dressed provocatively and danced with fervor. I had good times with my friends, strutting around like a peacock. I was propositioned by men more than once and I always refused; one-night stands with random men have never been part of my personal moral code.

Of course, that doesn't mean I didn't have hot makeout sessions. After a particularly hot and heavy one, the man I was smooching said, "We're going to bed, right?" My deadpan response: "No." Instantly, I was turned off and gave him the cold shoulder.

As I've gotten older, not much has changed. A few months ago, I went to a bar with another single friend and struck up a conversation with a guy. We were yukking it up and had some lively banter. After a few minutes of chitchat, I found out he was 29 years old, nine years my junior at the time. That was a bit too young for me, so I had no expectations.

As the conversation progressed, he hinted that he wanted to "say something crude to me." A warning bell went off in my head but my curiosity got the best of me, and I told him to just say it. The bomb was dropped: He told me he wanted to perform oral on me. In the past, I would have acted like a bitch. Now, I just don't have any desire to put up with that kind of BS.

I leveled with him, tactfully stating that no respectable girl was going to respond to that offer. You can't say those things to a woman after only just meeting her. Apparently, it didn't sink in. He was getting more explicit in a vain attempt to get a yes. I shook my head in disbelief.

Obviously, his agenda was to get laid that night and he left with someone else: another big girl. Maybe he was a "chubby chaser." Maybe his true type is a curvier woman. Maybe he was just too drunk to care.

Because of how society perceives and treats heavier people, I've noticed some overweight women suffer from what I call Chubby Girl Syndrome: being told you'll "never get a guy because you're too fat. Which, in turn, triggers something in us that wants to prove them wrong.

Some overweight women will sleep with anyone out of a need for any love and acceptance yet others do the opposite, rejecting honest suitors out of fear and mistrust. I'm good enough to try to screw, but not good enough to date and get to know?

Let's get this straight, gentlemen: I am not my weight. I know who I am and I know what I want. I'm flamboyant, feisty, and boisterous and can talk about anything from art to film to history and literature, all with enthusiasm. I love with everything I have.

When I laugh, I laugh with gusto. I'm strong and determined to follow through with my goals and ambitions, even if it takes years to accomplish them. While I'm certainly an outspoken fireball, I can also be mysterious. I'm loyal and devoted and I expect the same in return. I'm not your typical woman.

I want a man that wants to get to know me, that has a burning attraction to me. I want to be treated like any other woman who wants a committed relationship. Take me out. Have deep conversations with me. Make me laugh. Buy me flowers. Tell me I'm beautiful, funny, and smart every day. Talk to me about your childhood. Hold my hand and kiss me on the way to the car from dinner.

I'm planning on losing this weight (and am getting myself motivated to do it) but that should never be a prerequisite for loving me.

Author
Blogger