Stop expecting the impossible.
When you're going through a break-up, the grief of it can feel overwhelming.
You aren't just mourning the loss of the relationship itself, you're mourning the loss of a person from your life, and while that's not the same, it can feel like a death.
Only, it's a break-up, so with more ice cream and dirty yoga pants.
It's frustrating, and it's devastating, and it's totally exhausting.
When I broke up with my last boyfriend, it was the fatigue that grief inspires that got to me more than almost anything else.
I would go to bed tired and wake up tired. The pain of heartbreak is real, you guys.
I couldn't believe that we were truly broken up. It was denial, and sadness, and anger, and every other emotion under the sun. I asked everyone I knew how to move on after a breakup. They didn't really know.
I would stare at the ceiling and think, "I want to just get over this break-up, I want to just move on!"
It's funny how badly you can want something and still not be ready for it.
When you break up with someone, there's one little phrase you're bound to hear more than any other:
Give it time.
To an extent, I get why people say it.
Life is long, and life is strange.
If you have any doubt about this, think about your life exactly a year ago compared to what your life is like today, right now.
I guarantee there is at least one major thing that's so dramatically different today from a year ago that it is probably breathtaking to consider, be it a job, a haircut, or a relationship.
A year ago I was in a serious relationship with someone who I don't even talk to today.
Things ended amicably, but they did end.
I still miss him, I miss our dynamic, I miss how we made each other laugh, and how he made me think.
I don't know if I made him think.
And thoughts like that are when the sadness starts to leak in.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy today. My life is good.
But there will always be a place in my heart where a small monument is erected to that relationship.
We don't "move on" from out past relationships. That's not how people work.
We learn how to make space for the wreckage those relationships leave behind. We memorialize them.
We don't move on, we move around them, and over time the pain we feel in passing becomes manageable.
That's how grief works.
In an ideal situation, we take the good from those relationships with us as we move forward. We learn lessons from them and apply them to the next relationship.
But that can take a long, long time. I'm still waiting for it to kick in, myself.
Don't let anyone try and tell you when it's time to move on, not even the voices that come from your own expectations.
Allow your body and mind the space they need to heal. You'll know when you're ready, and when you are, you won't be moving on at all, you'll be moving around the past.
Because that's how the past works. It stays with us and reminds us of who we were, and of who we can be.