You can help heal her.
Cheating is one of those things that most people should hope to never experience, particularly if the relationship that you were betrayed in was one that you thought would last forever. If you have been cheated on, it will affect you. It will affect the way you see people for the rest of your life, and as long as you live, you will be a bit jaded and wonder if your partner is really as honest as they say they are.
Though cheating can break your partner's ability to feel safe for a bit, knowing how to love someone who was betrayed in the past can help her heal and also improve your relationship. Here's what guys need to know about how to love a woman who has been cheated on in the past.
1. If she's still reeling from the infidelity, don't date her.
Seriously. Just don't. If she's jumping and flipping out whenever you're even talking to another girl, it's not going to work. If she keeps bringing up the infidelity, she hasn't healed enough to actually maintain a healthy relationship. If she's behaving this way, it's clear that she needs time alone before you can be with her.
2. Compliment her.
Women who have been cheated on often feel like they are not sexy. They feel like they are lacking something the other woman had, and for them, a compliment goes a long way in helping them feel better about themselves.
3. Be open with her.
Tell her the truth about who people are in your life. Introduce her to your friends right off the bat, and don't leave her in the dark about anyone. Don't lock your phone or text in front of her. You might even want to let her read your text conversations with others to help her feel more trusting of you.
4. Remember that trust is a privilege and not a right.
It will take time to earn her trust, and that's only natural. Haven't you ever heard the phrase "once bitten, twice shy"? It applies here.
5. Expect her to leave or get very angry if you call her "paranoid," "crazy," or "psycho."
You really shouldn't call any woman these things. They're degrading as all hell. But calling a woman who's been cheated on these things is even worse because it's very likely what her ex said when she confronted him.
6. Her talking about the infidelity can be a sign that she's healing.
Assuming it isn't every other word she's saying, her explaining what happened can be a sign that she's actually doing better now. That's a good thing, and you should not make her feel bad if she opens up to you.
7. You will need to reassure her that you're not going to cheat.
This will make her feel light years better. Keeping her feeling like you might leave at a drop of a hat would be just plain cruel after everything.
8. Realize that for a very long time, she might assume things are just going to fail anyway.
And that's to be expected, considering how deep a betrayal cheating can be. Patience is the key here.
9. Respect her fears and boundaries, but have boundaries of your own.
There's a difference between understanding that she doesn't feel comfortable with you going to dinner with a female friend alone, and agreeing to submit to a polygraph test every day about your whereabouts. If she's getting jealous to the point of controlling, you need to tell her she's being extreme... but in a tactful way.
10. Open up about your own baggage.
It'll make her feel less alone. And it may bring the two of you together in a way most others wouldn't experience.
11. Answer her texts.
Want to make a girl who was cheated on go nuts? Don't answer her texts. Be vague with your answers. Don't tell her your whereabouts, and then go dark for a day or two. It's a surefire way to make her break up with you.
12. Just be there.
Seriously, this is all that she really wants. She wants someone to be there for her — and that person should be you.