Time for a reality check.
Though I don’t always believe in the time-tested love advice people give, I will say that there is something to be said about how your attitude affects your ability to connect to others. If you have a sh*tty attitude, people will avoid you.
That being said, the beliefs you hold can greatly influence your attitude, and that in turn can be what’s keeping you single. Here are some of the signs you may need to rethink your beliefs on love and life if you want to have a happy relationship.
1. You believe love is all about sacrifice.
No! Love is all about a partnership. It’s a give and take, and those two things should be done in equal measures. Martyrdom isn’t sexy, and in a healthy relationship, you aren’t focusing on what you need to endure to show your love.
2. You honestly hate the opposite sex, view them as the enemy, or don’t see them as totally human.
Believe me, I understand how this feels. However, the fact is that people can sense when you hate them, don’t respect them, or put them on a pedestal. And it’s not sexy. So unless you can kick that habit, don’t date anyone. It just won’t work out.
3. You feel like you "deserve" a spouse.
Yes, you may, in theory, deserve to have someone care about you. Unfortunately, no one is ENTITLED to love or sex, even if you’re a sweetheart. If you feel like you deserve a spouse or partner, it’s often a sign that you may not have healthy beliefs about what dating should be about or how life really is. Unrealistic expectations often mean that you’ll end up blowing up at people who don’t deserve to be yelled at, and worse.
4. You believe that someone better is always around the corner.
There are many, many people out there who are ready to dump perfectly good partners who are devoted, loving, and kind for someone who could theoretically be better. While there’s nothing wrong with ending a bad relationship for a better future, there is something wrong with ending a good relationship in hopes of “trading up.” Trust me when I say that these people often end up alone, traded out by people of similar mentalities.
5. People have told you, repeatedly, that your standards are unreal.
If you’re a 400-pound, unemployed man with a porn addiction, you’re not going to get a supermodel to be your wife. There’s nothing wrong with having good standards on how people treat you, but there is something very wrong with expecting someone who is way out of your league to just plop into your lap. Be realistic and you will likely find your better half, or improve yourself until you get what you want.
6. The way people act doesn’t make sense to you.
This may be a sign that your beliefs about how people are supposed to behave in a relationship aren’t based in reality. If you can’t make sense of it, it may be time to talk to someone about how things work.
7. People have tried to talk to you about how your behavior alienates or hurts people, but you don’t listen.
This may be a sign you need to listen to them and talk to a professional. The fact that people are telling you and trying to teach you about this says volumes about how bad it’s gotten.
8. You think everything else should be prioritized above your love life.
This is how most couples end up breaking up due to one partner neglecting the other. This is often the belief that leads many women to leave men who get controlled by their parents, too.
9. You think you can teach someone to love you.
Sorry, it sucks to say so, but love doesn’t work that way. While you can do things to perhaps increase the chances of attraction happening, you can’t force someone to love you or sleep with you. Life isn’t a dating simulation — it’s not formulaic, and it’s not always something you can control.
10. You think romantic relationships are something you have to “win.”
Love is not a game. It’s not a battle. It’s actually just two people who want to be together because they feel good together. If you can’t see that, you need to talk to a professional. This isn’t healthy.
11. You feel justified when you hurt your partner.
If you feel like there’s ever an acceptable time to hit your partner, emotionally abuse them or make them cry, you should not be in a relationship, period. You’re an abuser, and you need help, even if you don’t see it.
12. You feel like your happiness isn’t your own responsibility.
Nope. No, no, and NO! You can’t expect your romantic partner to make you happy or break down your walls. That’s your responsibility, not theirs. After all, the only person you can ever really change is yourself, no matter how much love you’re offering.