You're heartbroken. So why are you acting like a b*tch in heat?
If you've ever had a relationship in which your partner had an affair, you probably have dealt with a slew of emotions that are too complex to fully put into words. There's the self-esteem-shattering moment when you find out. There's the jealousy. There's the despair of everything you worked for being thrown away.
Then, there's one thing that most people don't really want to talk about: hysterical bonding.
Hysterical bonding is the kind of emotion that just doesn't make sense at face value, and it's by no means funny. The reason why it doesn't make sense is because it most commonly manifests as an overwhelming sense of lust and attraction to the guy who just betrayed you.
What makes hysterical bonding baffling for people who experience it is that they often can't stand the sight of the person who just betrayed them. They even may experience disgust at themselves for feeling horny. And the fact is that most people can't come up with an explanation as to why it happens to certain people. In some cases, hysterical bonding also happens with breakups that don't even involve infidelity. So, what gives?
Believe it or not, there is a theory as to why it happens — and if you think about it, it makes sense.
Many relationship experts say that hysterical bonding may be a primal form of the bargaining stage of grief. Basically, what they say is happening here is that you want to ascertain that you're still desirable to this person on a subconscious level. It's a form of your subconscious self trying to "outdo" the other woman or keep this guy around, even if, on an intellectual level, you know you're done with him.
Other experts say that hysterical bonding can occur if your blood's pumping and your adrenaline's going crazy.
Because of how this level of betrayal can affect you on a hormonal level, hysterical bonding can mimic feelings of falling in love for the first time. As a result, you start wanting to sleep with him and get the same butterflies in your stomach you once had.
For some people, hysterical bonding can help reconciliation efforts. For others, it's a quick high with a hard crash leaving them wondering, "What's next?" It affects everyone differently and it's often healthiest to just acknowledge your feelings right then and there. More often than not, it will allow them to pass faster or allow you to figure out how to handle it from there.
If you're dealing with sudden arousal after being cheated on, the most important thing to realize is that it's actually really common, more so than most people will want to admit. So if you're horny after being cheated on, don't think you're going crazy. It's hysterical bonding, and it passes after a short period of time.
Here's what you need to understand about hysterical bonding: it's not a feeling to confuse with thinking you should stay with him. He still cheated. What you're feeling right now isn't love, and it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to take him back.
If you're feeling hysterical bonding, take a step back. You may need some space before you make a decision about how to handle the infidelity and being hysterical will not help you make a good choice.