All men are sh*theads, but we are all capable of finding at least one that we'll put up with.
About a month ago, I found myself deep in the throes of an hour-long, wine-buzzed, heart-to-heart conversation with a dear friend of my mom. I don't know if it was the wine or if it was the fact that she could be classified in the realm of the Mean Girls "cool mom," but I was in the mood to share and overshare my entire dating history with her as she waited on pins and needles soaking in every detail.
Her probing questions made me recall facts and feelings I hadn't thought about in months. I was slowly re-living the last two to three years of my dating life, and it was intense. We both sipped our glasses of Pinot Noir while hashing over every single conversation and missed opportunity for reconciliation with love stories gone awry.
As I went on and on for seemingly the tenth hour of discussion about one ex in particular, she seemed confused and asked quite simply, "Well, if that's how you guys felt about each other, and it was so great, why did you break up with him?"
I felt kind of baffled by the question, realizing that I unintentionally made this former relationship seem like one from the fairy tale movies. I made my ex-boyfriend seem like the guy who got away, which is a title that I don't think that he deserves.
I had to set her straight and clarify that I dumped him because he was being a total sh*thead guy, playing the games, "phone was dead," and standard shady behavior type things.
Her response is the premise of this entire article, as she calmly took another sip of her wine she looked at me and said, "Yeah honey, but all guys are sh*theads." Mind you, she is not a bitter middle-aged woman who has been scorned; she is happily married to a very successful and good-looking guy for 20+ years.
Although this conversation took place over a month ago, I still think about it every day. I'm single AF and not exactly looking for a relationship — or even a date even for that matter. But when that small question comes to mind of "What if I went on a date with that guy?" I'm instantly drawn back to the times of hurt and betrayal that make me believe that dating isn't even worth it at all. I'd rather die alone than deal with yet another sh*thead.
Her response, though, has called into question the very beliefs I've held strong for the past 6 months. It's causing me to think that I'm presented with one of two options: Die alone or put up with a sh*thead. Sounds bleak, right? Not if you put it into perspective.
Let's be honest here: no one is perfect. I can imagine that I'm definitely not a walk in the park to date at all times. Neither are guys, neither is anyone.
So, sure, the "sh*thead" label might be a TAD bit harsh but I bet my last dollar that should I ever get married, that guy, no matter how great he is most of the time, is bound to be a sh*thead from time to time. Just as I'm bound to be a pain in his ass from time to time.
The key here, I'm starting to believe, is finding a guy I can handle even when he's being a sh*thead. I simply could not handle my ex during his sh*thead times, so that's why I had to break up with him.
Similarly, I would never want to stay with a guy who can't handle me at my worst. So it turns out the bleak options of being alone or being with a sh*thead might be true, but if you can find a sh*thead that doesn't mind "putting up with" you, you might be just fine.