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They're not just for penises anymore ...
By Kinkly — Written on Nov 04, 2016
While the term "handjob" is usually used in reference to pleasuring a penis, there’s really no better way to describe giving someone with a vulva the same kind of pleasure.
Why not call it fingering?
Sure, you can, but that doesn’t really cover the intricacies involved in stimulating the entire vulva.
As anyone with a vulva knows, a good handjob is about more than repeatedly inserting your fingers into a vagina.
Cue this ultimate guide.
From start to finish, here are 8 steps to give a girl a handjob that will give her orgasms ... and then coming back for more.
1. Know thy partner.
Possibly the most important thing to remember is that handjobs aren’t one-size-fits-all. Even if you’re using the techniques I’m going to talk about on someone that you don’t know well, keep in mind that she may not like what your ex-girlfriend liked, and that’s OK.
All it takes is some communication about what feels good to her and you’ll be well on your way to giving her an orgasm like no other.
2. Make it a full body experience.
Lips. Neck. Stomach. Thighs. These are all erogenous zones that you can incorporate into your handjob. Start off with some kissing, then move your lips to her neck and down her body. Incorporate your hands by gently tugging on her hair and caressing her thighs, before getting started on her vulva.
It’s a good idea to start here since many women need a significant amount of foreplay in order to orgasm.
3. Build momentum as you go.
So you’ve found out what she likes (and what she doesn’t), gotten her significantly turned on, and now you're ready.
While it can be tempting to just head straight for her clitoris and rub it as quickly as possible, this is just not a good idea. Too much stimulation can irritate her sensitive clitoris and make the whole experience unpleasant. Instead, ease into the handjob.
Going slowly will give you time to clue into her signals — how she’s breathing, where she squirms in pleasure, and if she backs away slightly due to being touched in a way that doesn’t feel great.
To build up the momentum, start by placing your hand on her pubic mound and gently stroke with all of your fingers. Notice how each part of her vulva feels: the inner and outer labia, her clitoris, her perineum. Use this time to slowly explore her body, build the momentum, and pay attention to the spots that make her feel the best.
4. Find her pleasure points.
When it comes to what feels good, each woman is unique. While many women do like straight clitoral stimulation, others find that it can be too much.
Explore with your fingers and don’t forget to include other parts of her body — her inner thighs, her butt, and her stomach can all be stimulated in a way that adds to the overall experience. Keep in mind that she may need less stimulation on her clitoris than she does on her labia. Learn where her pleasure points are by exploring with your fingers and being curious about all the ways you could possibly make her feel good.
If you’re worried about finding the places that give her the most pleasure, don’t be. She’ll let you know through heavier breathing, moaning, or straight up telling you that it feels good. If she isn’t giving you clues, don’t be afraid to ask.
A simple, “Do you like that?” can help lead you in the right direction.
5. Use varying pressure and techniques.
OK, so here’s a big thing that I think a lot of people miss when giving a girl a handjob. Using the same strokes over and over can not only numb her sensitivity to pleasure but it can also make her bored.
Vary the speed, pressure, and technique that you use. Use your fingertips to make gentle circles. Employ the full length of your finger to rub up and down. Put your knuckles to good use to give some varied texture to her vulva. Roll your fingers back and forth. Use them to penetrate her.
6. Understand her clitoris.
The clitoris is like a little pleasure button, but that doesn’t mean you should just push it over and over again, hoping for the best. You have to see what works for the person you’re with.
Play with the edges of her clitoris, stroke downwards from the top, or gently tug on it. Some women also have a favorite side of their clitoris (left or right) that feels best. Since the clitoris extends into the body, providing deeper stimulation of it (instead of more focused stroking and pushing) can feel amazing.
Don’t be afraid to experiment here!
7. Figure out if she likes penetration or not.
Some women don’t want any penetration and some women adore it, but one thing that most women have in common is that they can’t come from penetration alone. It’s important to ask if your partner is OK with penetration before you begin.
If she is into it, there’s a way you can penetrate that will have her quivering in no time. Start by inserting one finger into her vagina. Test the water first. If she seems to enjoy one finger, you can add one or two more. Vary the pressure, depth, and speed of your fingering, just like you did on her vulva.
To stimulate her G-Spot, apply firm and gentle pressure to the front wall of her vagina, about 2 to 3 inches above the opening. Don’t forget to multi-task here. If you have your index and middle finger inside of her, you can use your thumb to stimulate her clitoris.
Oh, and if she doesn’t want to be penetrated, don’t worry. You can get her off just as well just by stimulating her externally.
8. Try to give her multiple orgasms.
As you bring her to climax, keep in mind what you’ve learned about her body through the whole experience. Find those pleasure spots again and, when she’s close to orgasm, apply consistent, rhythmic strokes. While varied techniques throughout the handjob are great, many women will lose the build up if you change things up at this stage.
After she comes, you can gently keep touching her vulva. She may be able to experience multiple orgasms, so you don’t want to just stop completely. Keep in mind, though, that her vulva may become extra sensitive to the point of irritation after an orgasm so approach with caution (or just ask if she wants more). Women don’t have the same refractory period as men, so there’s a good chance she’ll say, “More please.”
The biggest part of giving a girl the ultimate handjob is to simply be present, curious, and have her pleasure at the forefront of your mind.
A little attentiveness and willingness to explore can go a long way!
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This article was originally published at Kinkly.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.