It's a deeper kind of love.
Being attracted to intelligence doesn’t mean being into people who scored well on standardized exams. “Intelligence” is a dimensional, faceted awareness (psychologically speaking, there’s intrapersonal intelligence, linguistic, mathematical, bodily, and so on).
The point is: being attracted to intelligence is being attracted to who someone really is, and how much aware they are of that. It’s taking an interest in the immaterial part of them, and learning to love them for what they most love about themselves.
1. Your experience of intimacy is more than just sexual.
The word itself actually means “profoundly interior” or “most within,” and that’s exactly what happens when you date someone attracted to intelligence. To know if you’re compatible, you have to be vulnerable and honest and open, and there’s no more beautiful or sustainable groundwork for a relationship than that.
2. Your relationship strengthens your identity – not the opposite way around.
You end up discovering so much more of who you are because you’re constantly exploring uncharted crevices of your mind. Many relationships grate at one’s sense of self, but not those in which you’re valued for who you are, how you think and what you believe.
3. It inspires you to want to be better.
Not “better” by society’s standards of thinner or richer or better looking overall. “Better” in terms of smarter. Better in terms of being more self-aware. Better in terms of becoming more interesting and interested. Humans evolve toward what we believe will yield us the most love (it’s unflattering but true.)
When we know that our psychological development = attention and affection, we subconsciously focus on improving that as much as we can. (If we’re going to do it regardless, might as well take the healthier route…)
4. Neither of you have the capacity to entertain petty dramas, so you don’t lose your connection to preventable, daily frustrations.
Simply, you both see how unimportant minor, unintentional transgressions are, and more importantly, you’re able to discuss the things that are bothering you before they become huge, relationship-ending issues.
5. You learn what it means to coexist.
Since even your minor beliefs and feelings and ideas aren’t just going to be swept under the rug, you learn what it means to hold your own, stand your ground while at the same time loving and respecting someone for doing the same.
6. You bond over your favorite books and deepest beliefs and honest conversations.
Not what beer you both prefer or the mutual “friends” you both happen to run in the same circles with. The whole process of getting to know them is a sexy geek fest of your favorite quotes and the artists nobody else knows.
7. You learn and you teach one other.
You’re exposed to ideas and philosophies and writing and art that you never before would have come across or maybe even appreciated, and it’s in that communion that you end up giving to one another so much more than just your time and attention… you give them building blocks too.
8. You’re loved for the person you are, beyond what you appear to be, or the physical space you inhabit.
It’s what everybody claims to want, yet so few people know how to achieve. People attracted to intelligence inherently understand that we are more than our bodies, that they are temporary, both in lifespan and in taut, smooth, young attractiveness. You’re seen, and desired, for who you most genuinely are.
This article was originally published at Thought Catalog. Reprinted with permission from the author.