If you live in Britain, there’s some teeny tiny bad news carrying some large baggage coming your way.
According to The Mirror, “super” fleas with gigantic penises — yes, you read that right, gigantic penises — are coming from Europe and heading right for Her Majesty’s doorstep. If that isn’t the weirdest thing you’ll ever read, then I have no idea what you’ve been reading...
The particular breed of flea, which has a penis two-and-a-half times the length of its tiny body, has the largest genitalia relative to the size of any bug on Earth.
It's a unique, and let’s face it, a pretty awesome title for the flea, but pretty terrifying if you think about it crawling on you with that giant junk. Maybe there are so many “super” fleas since the lady fleas are satisfied so well?
That might be part of it, but it’s mainly due to weather. Because summers are hot and damp, and winters have been mild due to rising climate temperatures and global warming levels, these fleas and other awful insects like bed bugs and lice have comfortable places to go all year long, which means their numbers have been rising, and there’s no sign of stopping soon.
And as the hot summer winds into a cooler fall, the fleas leap their way into warm homes to stay cozy for the coming winter. And that means that yes, super fleas with giant genitalia find their way onto the people in those homes and beds.
The signs of flea bites — super-penises or otherwise — are typically round, red, incredibly itchy marks around feet and ankles. Pharmacists have been reporting an intense surge in the sales of insect bite cream ever since reports of the well-endowed fleas began in the United Kingdom.
While it isn’t likely you’ll be able to tell what particular breed of fleas have decided to land on you and suck the literal blood from your veins, chances are good you’ll want to exterminate them either way.