"The penis looks like a one-eyed monster with aggression issues."
I have a good friend who teaches human sexuality at the college level at a Midwest college. Every year he gives out an anonymous questionnaire asking students to tell him what they think of the penis and the vagina, and every year he gets some of the most amazing answers.
With his permission, I'm going to share 2016's results with you.
1. "Can be the best and worst wingman at a party."
2. "The penis looks like a one-eyed monster with aggression issues."
3. "The penis is a good time, but it's such an ugly thing to look at."
4. "The penis is so weird. I find it funny that guys get to or like to touch their penises. Why do girls give blowjobs?! It is disgusting."
5. "Always poking and seeking attention. Secretions."
6. "Some days I wish I had a penis to see what all the hype is about standing to pee, being a top, and to see what my size would be. I have no idea why guys assume we want to see their penis pics but they seriously are not cute and seriously never asked for."
7. "A penis is obnoxious and looks like it would be awkward having it hang around and it would get in the way with things. Although it must be easy and convenient to whip it out whenever you need to pee."
8. "Penis, only good thing about a man. Without a penis, what would men really be good for?"
9. "A penis looks like it's sad/depressed and when sweaty it sticks to a guy's leg."
10. "It is low-maintenance and has few negative issues. Uncircumcised ones are gross."
11. "Eh, they seem like a lot of work, so no thank you. TMI statement: I hate being penetrated, probably explains me being lesbian."
12. "I think a penis looks like it doesn't actually fit on the body. It kinda looks like it was just stuck there. Other than that, they are fine, but I keep my distance."
13. "I honestly don't know how people can even walk with a penis. If I had one I'd wear tight underwear to keep it in place because if it hung loose, I'd giggle all day."
14. "I think penises are ugly to look at, but I consider myself to have a love-hate relationship with the penis. I also think it would be interesting to have a penis for a day to be able to brag about it."
1. "Most people don't like what it looks like. I kinda do. Is that weird?"
2. "The vagina is awesome. A swift kick to the cooter is probably much more bearable than the penis. People with vaginas are tough."
3. "I'm kinda over my vagina; sometimes I wish I had a penis so I won't have blood come out of it each month. Or having a screaming baby come out of it one day."
4. "I think the vagina is gross. I would not be able to be a lesbian. Why does/would anybody go down on a girl?! No!"
5. "The word vagina reminds me of my old Volvo. Secretions."
6. "The vagina is not a bad thing at all but women in porn modify theirs so men have no clue what normal vaginas look like. There was a woman once who said her vagina looked like chewed bologna and it stressed me so much 'til this day. That was 6 years ago."
7. "I think the vagina is like a beautiful taco that comes in all different shapes and sizes. I take a lot of pride on how my vagina looks because it's the most beautiful taco out there."
8. "So thankful for my vagina, gets me what I want when I want. Vagina and brains, being a woman rocks! Making sandwiches isn't all we're good at. Try our vagina."
9. "Having a vagina can be disgusting, but it is a complex and interesting body part to have."
11. "So many potential illnesses in that thing. Don't get me started on periods, but hey, proud lesbian."
12. "Vaginas are a weird thing. Yes, they are supposed to be 'beautiful,' but I would never want to interact with one."
13. "All genitals look weird to me, honestly. I don't mind vaginas simply because I have one, but I don't think they are beautiful, nor do they resemble flowers like some modern art would suggest."
14. "I think it's a beautiful thing but it isn't so attractive to look at. I also don't understand why guys are so interested in how it looks and always ask so many questions."