They're complicated. (But that’s half the fun.)
Having sex when you go away to college can be trickier than you’d imagine. At first, you’re like “Finally, I’m on my own!,” but, for many students, they quickly realize that they don’t have the privacy that thought they’d have when they left home.
It is certainly easier to sneak someone in your room when your mom isn’t right next door, but so many new college students live in dorms, so that means they have to contend with roommates.
There are the lucky few who get a single room or live off-campus, but millions of college freshmen find themselves sharing a bunk-bed with someone they’ve never met before and wondering, “How am I ever going to be naked, or masturbate, or have sex, if this person is sleeping five feet above me every day?”
Having sex in a dorm room — surrounded by roommates, space limitations, and nosy RAs — involves a lot of logistics work, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun. Particularly when you realize that sometimes limitations force you to be more creative.
This is how the Dorm Room Kama Sutra came into existence.
What is the Dorm Room Kama Sutra? It’s a collection of sex positions that any college student living in a dormitory, struggling to find a place to get intimate with their partner, should be familiar with.
While the original Kama Sutra is an ancient Sanskrit guide to creative (and sometimes gymnastic) love-making, the Dorm Room Kama Sutra is all about two willing participants trying to satisfy each other on cheap twin mattresses before their bio major roommate gets back from the library.
Here are 5 of the most common Dorm Room Kama Sutra positions, which should make university alumni nostalgic and (hopefully) give current college students some interesting new ideas.
1. The Sleeping Dragon
This position is all about making a lot with a little. The goal is to successfully have sex in the lower portion of a bunk bed without waking your sleeping roommate in the top bunk. Due to height clearances and noisy bedsprings, this is a position best attempted with both participants lying on their side and placing their feet on the frame of the bed to provide leverage. The goal is to rock back and forth, without the normal up-and-down mattress squeaking from normal missionary sex.
2. The Snuggle Bear
This position isn’t as cuddly as the name suggests. It comes from the lingering smell of fabric softener that often accompanies this coupling in the laundry room.
The pair of students, kicked out of their dorm room by Brett who “really needs to get this paper done, OK?”, heads down to the (hopefully) abandoned laundry room.
They place a large towel into a washing machine and turn it on. One partner bends the other partner over the machine and enters them from behind. The “catcher” holds onto the machine for support, deriving extra pleasure from the vibrating off-balance load, while the “pitcher” keeps the eye on the door, watching for anyone doing late-night laundry.
3. The Houdini
This is an ideal, though complex, position for dormitories that have one shared bathroom between two rooms. (Communal bathrooms are a whole other thing.) Typically, these shared bathrooms are one of the few places where a college student can lock a door and have some privacy, but the shower stalls are barely big enough to fit one person. But where else in a college bathroom is clean enough to have sex?
That's why shower sex is the only way to go.
So, the participants in “The Houdini” must imagine themselves to be veritable escape artists within their shower stall prison. Both parties get naked and slide carefully into the stall, turning on the water for much needed lubrication and sound muffling. They can face front-wise or back — the key is keeping movements small, due to the space limitations. Those who have practiced kegel exercises (and squats) excel at “The Houdini.”
4. The Medusa
This position introduces a gamification aspect to the sex, but it’s also an essential part of keeping the actual sexual activity on the down-low.
Sometimes, dorm rooms don’t have a bunk-bed configuration, so there are two twin beds across the room from each other. While it might be socially acceptable to have your significant other sleep over while your roommate is present, it’s considered bad form to actually have sex while your roommate is actually there, particularly when you’re in their direct line of sight.
That being said, sometimes you still really, really want to have sex, and as a college student, you probably aren't great at practicing self-control.
That’s where “The Medusa” comes in. You wait until your roommate falls asleep, having assured them that you’re just “cuddling.” You then position yourself for sex. A spooning position works well for this kind of intercourse, making sure that your bodies are both completely covered by your blanket. The game aspect comes in because the “Little Spoon” drives the intercourse. They’re controlling when you stop and start, because they’re keeping their eyes on your sleeping roommate at all times.
If the roommate stirs or looks up, the Little Spoon or “Driver” immediately freezes, like they looked into the eyes of Medusa herself, and you both stay still, like stone statues, until they go back to sleep.
5. The Papasan
This position is also known as the “Ouroboros” — it derives its name from the cheap, yet comfortable Papasan chairs that have been gracing crowded dorm rooms for the past three decades. (For those unfamiliar, they’re big circular pillows, propped up into a chair shape by a wicker stands.) In this sexual position, the partners embrace the spherical nature of the Papasan
The partners lie naked, head to toe within the Papasan chair, arching their bodies into semi-circular shapes, allowing their privates to interact fleetingly. As their pelvises dart back and forth, the chair will start to rotate in its wicker stand, adding an extra layer of motion to the intercourse. (Typically, the chair will either collapse or the pillow seat will rotate out of its stand, sending the partners crashing to the floor, allowing more traditional intercourse.)
Are you familiar with the Dorm Room Kama Sutra? Did we miss your favorite position like the “Unusually Warm Mini Fridge” or the “Awkward Fitted Sheet”? If so, we’d love to hear from you.