If you're the only one open, you're not vulnerable; you're in danger of having your heart broken.
Oh, no — I'm the one who's giving too much!
You are giving away your best and not receiving enough back in return. You stay in a relationship even when you know you’re not with the right guy. You try so hard to make that person be the right person, even when you know he's so wrong.
You know it’s true. You’ve been thinking if you just give a little more, give the right best piece of you, or if you do something better or more, then everything will work out.
The problem is that oftentimes, you end up giving the very best parts of yourself to the absolutely wrong person instead of ending the relationship and finding the right person to give all those wonderful pieces of yourself to.
Don’t berate yourself over it if it’s true; lots of us give more in relationships and expect less in return.
One of my exes, who I tried loving very much and who I thought I could change if I just tried harder, just wouldn’t change. I forgave him all the time for egregious mistakes because of his difficult childhood and all the issues he had had to deal with. I made excuses for him, instead of owning up to the fact that he was the wrong person for me.
He didn’t need to change — I did. I never gave myself that same privilege. I never said, "Hey, I've had hard times, too, so I won't knock myself out so much!" I just kept forgiving him and giving more until I was depleted. He never stepped up to the plate and gave me the best of him.
Assess if you're in a relationship like this by looking at how much (in every way) you are giving your all, while he sits back and does nothing.
Let's face it: the best parts of you are your heart, your mind and your soul. If you're putting yourself in danger of being hurt, you need to be aware of it and protect it from happening.
Do you lay your heart on the line right from the beginning?
You know the type of relationship I'm talking about. From the beginning, you open your heart and lay out the truth of you. You give everything before he's even begun to open his heart in the least.
You don't have to be the one leading the parade all the time. In fact, you shouldn't be. Yes, it's great to open your heart and let him know you're open to discovering and loving, but not if he's reciprocating.
Opening your heart to someone who's not opening his to you allows yourself to be exposed and taken advantage of. You need to be vulnerable in a relationship for growth to occur, but if you're the only one wide-open, you're not vulnerable; you're just in danger of having your heart broken.
Don’t waste your love on a man who may end up preventing you from wanting to open up in the future, with a person who actually might appreciate it.
Are you always trying to figure out the solutions to his problems while your issues take the back-burner? Stop trying to forward his career or improve his credit score or mend his other relationships.
Do not make sacrifices so that he can go to school while you work three jobs and carry more than your fair share of the burden.
You are probably also overextending in more physical ways, too, like financially. Are you always picking up the tab because this guy never takes his wallet out? You don't have a problem paying sometimes, but always isn’t right.
Stop doing it. Stop being his mother. Stop being his savior. That's not what you're looking for. You want a relationship of balance and partnership. What you're putting in, you should be receiving back. It's about giving and receiving.
Also, you may be overextending in your emotions and emotional commitment. Are you saving all the good parts of you for him and he doesn't even appreciate it?
Maybe you don’t have enough emotional energy left for your friends and your family. You have nothing left to give and you keep telling yourself it's OK. It's OK because you need to give to him. He's the most important person in the world.
But you know he isn’t. You feel it deep down, but you still keep selling yourself short.
The best pieces of you should be held sacred and given to only the people that care. Save your best for those that love you and have walked by your side for more than a week or a month.
He needs time to prove himself before you offer those best parts of yourself.
You'll know when you're giving the best pieces of you to the wrong guy because you'll feel worse after giving your best instead of better. If you're finding yourself depressed when you're giving what you think is your true love, let that be the last sign.
I know it's easy to get lost in the trying, in the attempt to fix a relationship, but just think: if you give more to the wrong person, it will still never work out.
You need to manage your heart, mind and soul. When you extend your love to the right man, one who can receive and reciprocate, you are going to feel wonderful. The giving will no longer feel like a burden, but a blessing that multiplies.