Don't do this to yourself, mama.
There are very few things that can be as painful and self-esteem-shattering as being someone’s second place prize.
I ought to know — I’ve been the fool that has waited on a guy to make up his mind in the past. It’s painful for a number of reasons. You have to watch him have his fun with someone else — someone he’s already considered better than you.
You end up waiting in the aisles, hoping he’ll notice how much you love him, all the while the other woman gets what you want from him with seemingly no effort. It’s brutal to deal with, and that’s why I need to tell you to stop settling. Here’s why:
1. It wrecks your confidence.
The biggest issue I had when I was settling for second place was the constant self-doubt. When you know you’re a second place trophy, you constantly wonder what the other woman has that you lack.
You constantly wonder if, maybe, another 5 pounds lost would make the difference. You wonder why he doesn’t love you the way he loves her. It eats you alive in ways that you never knew were possible.
2. He’s getting everything he wants, and you’re getting nada.
Looking back, I realized what a complete douchebag the guy I tried to settle for was. The fact is that he adored the fighting that I did for him, because it boosted his ego. He knew that he could do whatever he wanted, knowing that I’d still wait for him.
As a result, he took me for granted and kept stringing me alone. Meanwhile, I would throw myself at him and do whatever I could to get him to be with me. He had his cake, and he was able to eat it too. What was I getting, in the meantime? Nothing.
3. It ruins your chances at finding a good boyfriend.
What really irks me nowadays is that there were other guys who were interested in me at the time. The only thing is, I pushed them away because I was so dead-set on settling for this guy.
In my foolishness, I had thought that he was a "sure thing," and passed up guys who would have been much more likely to settle down than he ever was. After all, guys don’t want to be a second place trophy, either.
4. Settling for second best is the foundation of a bad relationship.
Even if he does finally come around, the nagging issue of knowing you’re his second choice will eat away your confidence. Moreover, he will never treat you as well as he would have treated his first choice.
He has already started to take you for granted before, and now all he’s done is convinced himself that you aren’t really worth pursuing in a passionate way. Rather, he’s learned that he can just keep you around until something better will come along.
In most cases, a relationship in which someone settles is one that cultivates massive amount of contempt and resentment. The "settler" feels contempt for having settled for you, and often feels like they are doing you a favor. Meanwhile, the second place feels resentful for being treated as an option.
5. Basically, it’s a no-win situation.
Allowing yourself to be treated like an option will never lead you to a great relationship — so don’t settle for being someone’s option. You deserve better, hun.