Once I forgot about all the scary urban myths, I discovered that anal play can actually be fun!
Kiss, rub, thrust and finish!
This is probably how you could have described my typical sex routine about a year ago. I always stuck to the same usual play cycles with my boyfriend because I was too intimidated to explore the road less traveled. Yes, I'm talking about the booty.
For me, it just felt too uncomfortable and too risqué. Yet, after forcing myself to forget about all the scary urban myths and taking a few shots of vodka, I discovered that anal play can actually be wonderful and liberating.
Here's how I aced my first up-the-butt experience — no pain, just pleasure:
1. Warm up au naturale (just with the fingers).
If you’ve ever tried anal without a warming up the basement, your experience was probably less than satisfying or perhaps downright horrible. If you slip in the big gun straight away while your muscles are still tense, it’s a catastrophe waiting to happen. (I would know.) It’s similar to how you need to loosen a knot before pulling it apart; your butt also needs some careful preparation, attention, and a whole lot of TLC.
For this reason, my partner started the warming up process with patience and care. It’s best to begin with the fingers because they’re small, soft and flexible, which helps anal stimulation feel as natural and comfortable as possible... to a point. (I mean, we are talking up the butt here.)
As Jack Morin, Ph.D. from Columbia University suggests, "When there's pain, stop and wait a moment and breathe. This will allow the internal anal sphincter to relax. Once the discomfort stops, continue. If a finger is comfortable, you can proceed with other sex toys or a penis."
Once you’re relaxed and calm, congrats! It’s time to graduate to something bigger.
2. Level up to booty plug and find the right one.
With a butt plug, there’s no hiding its gruff mission. This toy’s name is true to its purpose in the sense that it literally plugs up your butt — not cute. But not to worry — there are versions out there that vary in size and texture, making the experience less intimidating. You can get a starter's kit featuring butt plugs with different widths, allowing you to train your booty in no time.
When I went to my local sex shop, I chose a small T-shaped pink silicone version... mostly because I liked the color, but also because it was the least threatening out of the bunch. I didn’t exactly take a liking to the huge hulking metal anal beads, which seemed like more of a punishment than a reward.
3. Experiment with your butt plug.
When using a butt plug (and sinking it into the lesser-touched depths of no man’s land — yikes!), lube is an absolute must-have. It lets everything slide in smoothly and makes anal play much safer.
To prevent pain and damage to the anus, remember that "the anus has no natural lubrication, which increases the risk of pain or tearing. It's, therefore, necessary to use a lubricant to provide comfort," says Evelyn Fisboin, MS, a marriage and family counselor at the Mind Spectrum Institute in North Miami Beach, Florida.
I also made sure to use an anal lube, which was specially formulated for extra-moist slippage. TMI? Well, too bad because it will make or break you — literally! As Bobby Box, sexpert at Intimate Village, explains, "Lubricant makes it 50 percent easier for both men and women to orgasm, according to a study from Indiana University."
Based on personal experience, I’d have to agree. The only flaw with anal lube, despite its orgasmic glory, is its goopy texture. It makes it hard to clean off, but hey, an orgasm or two is worth it, right?
4. Relax, relax, RELAX.
Finding my zen during anal sex was so important. During my first-ever attempt, I realized that relaxing is much easier said than done, especially when you’ve got a hard package being forcefully delivered through your backdoor.
The trick is to keep your muscles loose and your mind calm. This meditative approach allowed me to avoid any awkward sensations, including that unnatural feeling of reverse-pooping (Seriously! That's what it feels like!).
"Anal sex feels amazing if the second sphincter muscles are relaxed. If they aren’t, forcing entry will bruise the muscles, which hurts a lot. When people talk about anal sex being painful, this is the stage they’re talking about," explains Terry O, sex specialist from Frisky Boutique.
So, be kind to your behind and make sure you’re in a relaxed state before take-off.
5. Pay attention to your other erotic zones.
Playing around with other erotic zones is another steamy way to feel more relaxed during anal sex. While taking this approach, I had my partner fondle my hotspots (I’m sure you can guess where those are) which helped take the edge off. I basically became distracted from the pressure down below and allowed myself to savor the overall experience.
Another wonderful tactic is to send some lovin’ over to Ms. Clitoris. The dual sensation of the clitoral pleasure, combined with the anus-pleasing penetration, creates a rarely-felt bulldozer of an orgasm. But whichever way you chose to amp up anal sex, as if it couldn’t get any more intense already, just make sure you’re doing it comfortably and safely.
I’d be lying if I said that anal is a breeze. Clearly, it’s not, for most people at least. Just like any great enjoyment in life, it takes work, patience and maybe a tad of bravery.
But if you’re willing to put in the extra effort to show some love to your bum, there’s really nothing scary about driving down this road. Just don’t forget to lube up before the ride — seatbelts not included.