There are lots of great things I could say about her, but most don't do it justice.
I told her she was comfortable.
She just kinda stared at me, unsure of how to take it.
But as the great philosopher Eminem put it: I can’t think of a perfecter way to word it.
Since I was a kid, I operated with a sort of chip on my shoulder. Not sure really where it came from originally, but after my divorce, it was pretty significant. I noticed it more and more as I tried to get back into dating.
When I get into an uncomfortable setting, I leave. When I question someone’s loyalty or intention, I’m through. If someone comes across as dishonest, I find it impossible to rebuild trust. Sometimes it doesn’t take all that much.
Not saying this as a positive trait, more as just a description of the defense mechanism that I’ve used for far too long.
But then she came along.
I couldn’t think of any other way to tell her, but to say that she is comfortable.
She’s comfortable in her own skin, and when you spend time with people like that, it is hard not to feel at ease.
She walks confidently, proud of who she is and what she stands for.
Like sitting at home on a Friday night, watching a movie in sweats.
A place you can say what you think and not worry about what response you will get.
The feeling you can share any of your baggage, your history, your mistakes and know it will be met with a reassuring smile.
The ability to walk into any room and not be overwhelmed.
Happy with two 5 year-old girls obsessed with what she is doing, what jewelry she has on and “where is her dog?”
Knowing that no matter what happens during the day, she will be there.
As a person who hasn’t always been comfortable in my own skin and having my fair share of life baggage…I didn’t expect this to ever be the case. With others there always seemed to be things getting in the way, from schedules not working out to timing in our lives, what we were each going through and ready for. I resigned myself to the fact I may end up alone rather than in a relationship that felt questionable.
There isn’t a more significant desire in a relationship to me than comfort. Sure…she’s smart, funny, kind and beautiful…but a lot of people check those boxes for each us. It is the people that truly see us, that seem to innately get our needs, that change our world.
I still can’t think of a better compliment to give her … she’s comfortable.
This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.