Knowing you should leave and actually leaving are two very different things.
Drop the guilt and shame you feel about still being in that relationship.
We've all been there and done that, for longer than we care to admit.
Sometimes it is hard to leave, even when it's quite obvious that we should be moseying right along.
You hope it will be tomorrow, but you still can't say for sure. You have such mixed feelings about him and wonder if that's how he feels about you, too.
You could call your relationship love/hate. You have insane arguments; you both say things you don't mean but in the end, you never walk away.
Because there's still something that draws you to him.
You noticed the relationship deteriorating months ago. You weren't finding his jokes funny anymore and you weren't feeling excited to see him, even if you'd been apart for days.
But you still have such incredible times together. He shares your love of kayaking or skydiving or going antiquing in the country. You've never met someone who was so in sync with you in so many ways.
Most of the time he loves you, and most of the time you feel that love.
But there are other times when the love is harder to come by. He brushes you off for his friends again, forgets to meet you, or just makes you feel so unimportant.
You try to focus on the good times and forget about his past mistakes. You give him second, third and fourth chances to prove his love.
But there's really nothing left to prove.
You can recognize that this is not the man for you. There is never going to be a long-term future written in the stars for you.
But knowing you should leave and actually leaving are two very different things.
You need time to plan first. If you live together, you need to decide whether you'll leave or if you'll ask him to find another place.
You need to wait until other areas of your life calm down first, so you can have a solid emotional base to stand on.
You need to feel more clear, more certain about your decision.
Don't let your friends put too much pressure on you to leave immediately if you don't feel quite ready yet.
The decision needs to come from you, otherwise, you may just end up right back in his arms.
When you do finally leave, trust you will be strong enough to resist the temptation to go back, even if he shows up outside your apartment yelling your name like in A Streetcar Named Desire.
Don't mistake his passion for you for true love and caring.
Remind yourself you thought long and hard about this decision and that you won't fall prey to the initial emotional pain, which can sometimes cause you to run back.
Recognize you made the right decision. You can leave him...when you are ready.
I still remember wiping back my own tears from my face when I knew it was time to leave.
But he still had a grip on me, whatever his powers were. I was aware of it and I was smart enough to know that the first step was getting stronger in my belief that I could leave successfully. Every time I left, I knew I was one step closer.
And then finally, one night, I was the strongest me I had ever been and I walked out the door, shut it behind me and never opened it again.