I'd Have A Threesome, But He Wants A Unicorn And I'm Into Centaurs

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Sex

What's a girl to do when her husband wants a femme and she wants a butch?

You don’t have to be involved with swinging for very long before you learn the term “Unicorn.” 

A unicorn is a single, preferably hot, bi-sexual woman.

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Some say they are named that as they are supposedly un-catchable. Some say they are named that because people think they are rare.

They may be less common and they certainly have the advantage of getting into the clubs for free or cheap, but I’ve met several, so it appears more likely that the issue is actually one demand greatly outstripping supply.

Single guys want them. Single girls often want them. And the vast majority of couples want them too. 

My husband, Mr. Scarlet, would love to get his hands on one and have an FFM threesome. Actually, he’d probably not stop at just one more female if given the chance.

Personally that doesn’t appeal to me at all. It’s not that I have anything against threesomes. I think a MMF threesome sounds great. And even an FFM with a straight chick sounds fine.

I’m just not interested in a threesome with another bisexual women.

“Wait, how can that be?,” you’re probably wondering — given that I, in fact, do consider myself bi, despite whatever fence-sitting I may be doing on my swinger dating profile.

The problem is this: What I am into in a woman and what my husband likes are not the same thing.

In the Venn Diagram of women's personalities, what he likes and what I like barely overlap, except for a small sliver which would basically involve finding someone just like me.

On the butch-femme scale, which goes from EF (Extreme Femme) to EB (Extreme Butch), I’d rate as an HA (Hard Androgyne) — or as I used to say, the butchest straight woman you’ve ever known.

Mr. Scarlet prefers women of greater than or equal femininity to me. I, however, prefer women who are feminine and generally more masculine to me. That is, I prefer butches. The more butch the better.

The problem is that butches tend not to be married to men. This presents quite a quandary, since at this point we aren't completely open to "anything goes" and have been sticking to same-room full swapping.

So I have come to the conclusion that I need to find another mythological creature, which I have decided to refer to as a centaur.

A centaur has the properties of a unicorn — being a magical horse and all — combined with the masculinity that I’m seeking.

What I want to find is a female-female couple, in which one is bi and into Mr. Scarlet and vice versa, and one is butch and into me and vice versa. I really have no idea if such a couple exists in the swing lifestyle, but I’m guessing their prevalence is exceedingly rare.

And even if it wasn't rare, the various dating sites that I have frequented are not set up to find that type of situation. Most of the swinger dating sites are quite heterosexist in that the options given are typically single female, single male, or heterosexual couple. 

Apparently, even with the prevalence of bi-women in the lifestyle, the assumption is still that the natural pairing is male-female — like from Noah’s Ark or something.

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Even SZC (Swinger Zone Central), which appears to have the option of signing up as a gay or lesbian couple, does not seem to have any way to filter that. At least not from what I can see.

And Craigslist, that bastion of freaky opportunity, lists all of these acronyms under casual encounters: w4m, m4m, m4w, w4w, t4m, m4t, mw4mw, mw4w, mw4m, w4mw, m4mw, w4ww, m4mm, mm4m, ww4w, ww4m, mm4w, m4ww, w4mm, t4mw, mw4t.

But mw4ww is not an option.

So I guess for now I am left fantasizing about finding a centaur, but I really don’t see it happening.

In the meantime, I will have to get my dose of masculine energy from males. Which seems to be working so far.

But a girl can dream, right?

Here’s to hoping I find a centaur — or, failing that, a hetero couple with a girl like me.

Listen Now: How do you find other swingers? How do you find people to date? Those top a list of frequent questions we get on the Life On The Swingset: The Podcast. As outsiders looking in, as people curious to get started, we all wonder if we’ll be able to do this, because there’s that foreign concept in the middle. In this episode, we talk about the pursuit, finding playmates, and finding lovers.

 

This article was originally published at Life on the Swingset. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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