Want to know just how low (or long) he can go ...?
Earth-shattering news has arrived!
It's a Whole New World!
(Although I wouldn't really suggest anyone over the age of 12 choose that song as their theme. Not that 12-year-old's can be on Tinder, but anyway, I digress.)
I'm not one to gender-stereotype or anything, because that would be so so wrong, but ...
I do suspect that not a few dudes may possibly select their Anthem based less on their true taste and preferences, and more so on the style they
believe will get them laid most quickly and efficiently want to project to the women of the world.
Because I am a girl's girl
(sorry, but no I am totally not), I've put together this sampler platter of Spotify Anthems you may find on your criss-crossing-between-left-and-right-swiping journey through Tinder ...
More importantly, here's a brutally honest look at what his Spotify Anthem of choice says about what he's like in bed.
1. Closer by The Chainsmokers
Here's a man with class and style. In fact, sometimes he may be just a teeny bit more concerned with appearances than most of the men you've dated before. But his grooming, taste, and impeccable manners have definite advantages.
What he's like in bed: Technique, technique, technique! This gentleman knows the Story of O, and he is going to tell you alllllllll about it! Think tantric sex that lasts for hours and hours ... and hours ...
2. Waitin' On The Day by John Mayer
This guy wants you to know how much he digs you, special lady ... And more importantly, he really, really, REALLY wants you to know just how much you should be digging on him.
What he's like in bed: Expect big shows of vast knowledge and experience with all the bells and whistles. His penis will likely be small, but he will definitely be eager to please.
3. Cheerleader by OMI
This dude comes off as a total douche-bag when you first come across him, but ... DO NOT SWIPE LEFT! He is an honest-to-goodness kind-hearted man who, in his own goofy way, wants to be YOUR cheerleader through thick and thin. He's a keeper.
What he's like in bed: He's gonna take some time to get warmed up and into a reliable groove, and there may be some awkward fumbles along the way, but this man's greatest joy in life will be to fulfill your every desire and fantasy in the most loving and generous of ways.
4. For Free by DJ Khaled, Drake
You know how sometimes you feel 100% certain you've finally found "Him," the man of your every dream, only to find yourself knee-deep in conversation with him and smacking yourself in the head because no one could really be saying these ignorant things — could they?? Yeah, this is that guy.
What he's like in bed: Any guy who feels the need to proclaim he does the sex "so good I shouldn't have to f*ck for free" is probably best left to own, um, devices. Keep on moving ladies. Total snooze-fest.
5. Swap It Out by Justin Bieber
Just like the Biebs is in come back mode, this guy is probably just stepping back into action after having his heart broken — BIG time.
What he's like in bed: Slow, smooth, and passionately inclined, this guy has the makings of a top notch lover ... just don't be surprised if he shouts his old flame's name in the heat of the moment, or starts crying when he looks into your eyes and realizes you're beautiful, you're just not "Her."
6. Dark Necessities by Red Hot Chili Peppers
This. Is. A. Man. Not some boy who doesn't know his way around a ballpark, but a living, breathing, honest-to-goodness, grown up MAN. He's compassionate, good-natured, and real as they come.
What he's like in bed: He is confident without being cocky (well ... oh, never mind!), and cares as much or more about the emotional connection with you as he does his own orgasm. He takes his time and will leave you begging for more — in the best possible way! — each and every time.
7. Twerk It Like Miley by Brandon Beal
Swipe left. Don't ask questions, please. I'm doing this for your own good.
What he's like in bed: I'm all for Ass Men, but this dude is so over-the-top obsessed with the butt it can only make you wonder if he isn't completely unable to connect with you — or any woman — on a deeper emotional level. Eye contact, anyone?
8. Sucker For Pain by Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons w/ Logic & Ty Dolla $ign ft X Ambassadors
If you come across this man as you Tinder, be prepared for a bit of a self-styled hipster — with a heart of pure, tasty gold. He may get a smidge dramatic from time to time, but he'll put up with it when you give the drama right back. So win-win!
What he's like in bed: Be expecting some major kink from this one. This man knows exactly what he wants — from you and for you — and he knows exactly how to make it all happen. If BDSM is your thing, he just may be "the One" in the sack.
9. Woman Woman by AWOLNATION
Sorry ladies, hands off. He's mine.
What he's like in bed: AH-mazing.