Never let good head fall to the wayside.
By Gigi Engle
Sexuality is an integral part of any healthy, well-balanced relationship. Sex helps to bring you closer in a way that only romantic relationships can foster.
The importance of sex is tailor-made in any given relationship. Where, how, and how often you have it is totally up to the two (or more) people in an intimate and loving relationship.
That being said, oral sex also plays an important role in healthy relationships.
Sexuality is not just confined to penetration. All forms of sex are relevant.
It can be easy to fall into a routine once you’re settled into a long-term relationship — foregoing oral sex, exploration, and sex toys in favor of scheduled coitus — but you should try to avoid this.
Keeping things fun and intimate is paramount to ensuring a strong bond between you and your partner. Sex shouldn’t be something you have to do, it should be something you want to do.
Oral sex shouldn’t fall by the wayside just because you’ve found your groove with someone you really love.
Oral sex is really good for healthy relationships and shouldn’t be left on the back burner and here's why:
1. Oral sex is about giving to your partner.
In order to develop a healthy relationship, you’ve got to give a little to get a little. Oral sex is all about giving.
I’m not saying getting your rocks off while giving head is impossible. There are ways to get off while giving a blow job or cunnilingus, such as this nifty “orgasmic meditation technique” that Cosmo can’t seem to get enough of, but oral sex is mostly an act of giving. It’s not exactly easy to have an orgasm when your face is full of dick/clit and your mind is concentrating on rapid bobbing or tongue swirls. It’s a LOT to have going on.
When my partner goes down on me, it makes me feel close to him. It’s an act of love that shows me how much he cares about my pleasure. That's not to say that oral sex should be the ultimate barometer in measuring the closeness you have with your partner, but a willingness to regularly engage in oral sex is a true sign of your adoration.
Sign me up for more oral and a healthier relationship any day.
2. There is no wrong way to experience sexuality.
In a recent interview with Emmalee Bierly, MFT, Jennifer Chaiken, MFT, and Caitlyn Caracciolo, MFT, the owners of The West Chester Therapy Group, they told me there was no wrong way to experience sexuality.
Meaning that a couple’s comfort and sexuality is completely individual to that particular couple. It is inevitable that there will be one partner who has a higher sex drive in a relationship. When this happens, you have to find a balance that will keep both people happy.
This is where oral sex can be such a useful tool. I’ve written about my colossal sex drive for the whole of my writing career. My partner’s sex drive is not nearly as high as mine. If I need an orgasm and he isn’t feeling sex, he’ll go down on me. It’s a solution that works for us.
This won’t be the case for all couples. Some people might find their sexual balance in other ways such as one partner using a sex toy on the more sexual partner or masturbating with the less sexual partner acting as an active participant. It’s all about a customized balance within each relationship.
3. Oral sex can be more intimate than penetrative sex.
In my opinion, oral sex is so much more intimate than penetrative sex. F*cking is a simpler act. You meet at a bar, go home, bang. Everyone has an orgasm (if you’re doing it right).
The end. Bye.
You can have casual sex and still have an orgasm. In most cases, you can’t give casual head and have an orgasm.
When you give someone a blow job or perform cunnilingus, you’re not getting anything out of this experience. To me, this shows that you genuinely care about this person. You give a sh*t about his or her pleasure. Big f*cking deal, I’d say.
For other people, this is not the case, but for me, if I’m going to go down on you, forgoing any chance of having an orgasm, it means I give a f*ck about you. If this is a casual encounter, I’m just looking to f*ck and go home to eat snacks on my couch alone.
4. Mutual sexual experiences help to breed closeness.
When we have an orgasm, our bodies release the “love hormone,” oxytocin. It's a feel-good neurochemical that makes you feel closer to your partner. Orgasms are necessary for mutual sexual satisfaction.
While orgasm is a relatively standard side-effect of sexual activity for the cis-gendered male half of the population, for women it is a bit more elusive. Seventy-five percent of women cannot achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Our clitoris needs stimulation. Oral sex means a lot of clitoral action and a lot of resulting orgasms. Orgasm on top of the “giving” aspect of oral sex will promote pair bonding with your partner.
Sex of all kinds is important in healthy relationships. When you know your partner’s body and take the time to get in touch with what makes them feel good, you’ll increase your closeness and your bond which will strengthen your relationship as a whole.
I hope this gives you all an excuse to get some head tonight. God speed.
This article was originally published at Ravishly. Reprinted with permission from the author.