I expect certain milestones within a certain timeframe. #sorrynotsorry
Dating is hard, I get it. Most of the time, we date other people with hopes that we’ll find a person who we can spend the rest of our lives together. Or, I should say, that’s at least what I did when I went out on dates back when I thought I’d find “the one.” Back when I actually thought I’d get married, I’d scope them out to see if they were my Mr. Right. I was looking long-term, never short-term.
If I was seeing them, even casually, I felt like there was an unspoken agreement; I believed the dude was at least interested for the long haul.
Unfortunately, it became clear that many guys saw this as an opportunity. They saw it as an opportunity to have their cake and eat it, too.
Think about it: With me, they got free sex, the occasional home-cooked dinner, and invitations to parties. Then, with another girl, they could get more free sex, pampering, and whatever she provided. Their egos validated, they’d keep up this dance while we toiled away trying to show why we should be official.
It was a glorious position for them to be in, I’m sure. For lack of a better term, it was “the halfway relationship” status.
In a lot of ways, I can’t blame them for being the way they were. They got what they wanted, without exclusivity. Halfway relationships, for these vultures, was a great way to get what they needed without having to give a sh*t about me.
Why be exclusive if you can have more than one girl put up with your sh*t, right? It’s a fun game to them.
The funny thing about halfway relationships is that there’s always one person who really hates how they function, and how they end. There's always a winner and a loser in these relationships, it seems. The losing person tends to lose a lot of time, effort, and emotional work when they get into a halfway relationship. I refuse to be that person.
When I realized the game they were playing, I’d turn it right back on them, much to their dismay. In many cases, I asked them what we were, hoping they’d say we were an item prior to me seeking other people out. Without missing a beat, they’d raise their hands up in defense, and tell me, “Hey, man. We’re just friends, I’m not looking for that right now. You’re cool with that, right? I don’t wanna be a bad guy and lead you on...”
Usually, I’d ask them if they would consider becoming official within a time frame of a month or so. They would typically hem and haw, then ask me to give them more time. Realizing what they were doing, I always agreed. At this point, I understood that it was never going to get more exclusive than their beloved “halfway relationship,” and that it’s time to start looking for other options.
For the life of me, I could never understand why they would flip out when I’d dump them for someone who was OK with exclusivity with me. I’d hear how they were “just done deciding,” and now “I’m the one for them.”
By the time that they’d grovel, I’d stop giving a sh*t and I’d already be with the one who actively pursued me.
If I were to actually seriously pursue a man these days, I’d give him a warning. If he wants to dump me, that’s fine. I’d be upset, but I’d deal because I already stopped having hope. If he wants to pursue me, I would put my everything into making sure he’s happy with me and our life together.
However, I’d make it very clear that I'm not going to tolerate a halfway relationship, and I expect certain milestones within a certain timeframe. If he’s not cool with that, he shouldn’t be surprised if I leave him without a moment’s notice.
After all, I have needs, too, and those are needs that men who would “halfway relationship” me aren’t ever going to be capable of meeting.