As far as dating horror stories go, this one wins.
You thought the story of the girl who put poop in her purse the day after a hook-up would be the poop dating story of the year. But alas, this Elite Daily writer's dating horror story is currently in first place for the poop category.
Oliver McAteer takes an annual skiing vacation with friends in France, and this year, they went to Val Thorens in the Three Valleys, staying in a chalet. He said that three days into the vacation, he took home a girl he met at a night club.
Sounds fairly normal and typical, right? He said that they didn't even have sex, just slept, because they were too drunk and tired. The rest of the night was peaceful... or so he thought.
At 3:01 AM, McAteer was shaken from his peaceful slumber.
"I woke up to the sound of groans and drunken murmurs broken by short, sharp farts. It was coming from the hallway," he said.
The girl was gone, so McAteer put the puzzle pieces together and decided to pretend that he heard nothing. He went back to dreamland.
At 3:51 AM, McAteer was once again shaken from his peaceful slumber — this time, by a terrible stench.
"Had I pooed myself? Because that's what it smelled like," he thought to himself.
By 4 AM, wide awake as ever, he described seeing "an unusually long, slim streak of brown by the door," and knew that it wasn't going to be an ordinary rest of the night/early morning for him. He found his shirt, crumpled up with the same brown stain.
"A sniff confirmed that it was, in fact, human feces," he concluded.
As it turns out, his date had a serious case of diarrhea and was unable to make it to the toilet on time. Meanwhile, he found the poor girl passed out on the couch.
"She's safe. Curled up in the fetal position, naked and covered in poo from the waist down. Stripped of her pride, but alive. Thank God," he said.
And although he was horrified and most likely traumatized by what he discovered, McAteer is a gentleman and proceeded to clean it all up... all by himself.
Armed with thick rolls of paper towels, ski googles, and a mask (the chalet's cleaning supplies lacked gloves, poor guy), "The cleaning took hours, mainly because I was had to break off regularly because of the harrowing smell," he recounts.
He even cleaned up the poor girl, and when she awoke the next morning, he had no choice but to tell her what occured the night before. Needless to say, she was, in his words, "devastated." He even sent her this photo with the caption, "FYI, this is how you poo."
"If I never see you again for the rest of my life, that'll still be too soon," she told him.
But McAteer said that he's not telling this story to shame the poor girl; in fact, they both laugh about it now. Instead, he says that the girl is an inspiration and he hopes that the story "will unite accidental crappers around the world, and one day we can all join hands and declare, 'You know what? It's OK to poop your pants.'"
Well, it's definitely quite a dating story.