I needed some relief after a Brazilian wax...
I did some reading on the subject before slapping a sheet mask on my own vagina. It turns out that the concept itself isn't a bad one. It makes sense to apply moisturizer and soothing balm to your lady bits after you've violently removed hair from said parts.
But not all sheet masks are created equal.
You'll want to avoid anti-aging sheet masks that can often contain ingredients that are designed to, you know, BURN AWAY DEAD SKIN. Stick to sheet masks that have comforting words on them like "relaxing" "soothing" or "calming". Stay away from ones that say things like "Face Boiling" or "That One Scary Scene In Indiana Jones".
You know the one:
I always have a sheet mask (or twelve) on standby. I love love love love taking care of my skin. If it didn't break me out something fierce, the twelve step Korean skin care regime would be my most favorite of all activities. But since my skin is pretty sensitive (I live and die by Cerave) sheet masks and the odd serum or seven are the only real skin treats in which I indulge.
Once I got the all-clear (lol, from the internet, I did not actually contact a doctor) I decided it was time to get to work.
It's been about two weeks since I last had a bikini wax. I go full Brazilian, and ingrown hairs are a regular and awful part of my life. I do my best to exfoliate regularly but even when I'm religious about it, one or two ingrowns always remain.
I know it's bad to "pop" and ingrown, so I figured a moisturizing mask on my vulva might draw stuff to the surface and open up my vagina pores.
I opened up the impressive tackle box where I keep all my health and beauty stuff and realized I was down to just one sheet mask: A Lemon Citron Brightening Mask from The Face Shop.
I knew right away it wasn't the best idea. "Brightening" and "lemon" are both words that conjure up a slight tingle and burn that might be acceptable on your face but SO not acceptable on your junk.
All the same, I figured as long as I wasn't inserting it into my vagina (DO NOT DO THAT) I would be okay. After all, it wasn't the day after my waxing, it had been weeks.
The weirdest thing about putting a sheet mask on your vulva is that there are holes for your eyes, nose and mouth on the mask, and obviously unless you are suffering from heretofore unknown medical condition you do not have eyes, nose and mouth on your vagina. Thank God.
Luckily these sheet masks come packaged with lots of excess goop. So I vigilantly smeared said goop into areas that were not covered by the mask.
I braced myself for the burning. This wasn't my first rodeo, I've burned my vagina before. But none came.
In fact, other than feeling like a more perverted version of Winnie the Pooh as I lounged on my bed in a shirt and no pants, the experience was pleasant. I kept the sheet on for twenty minutes and watched Jeff Lewis of Bravo's Flipping Out have a serious fight with his housekeeper while I ate a slice of cold leftover pizza.
In short, it was the ideal at home spa experience. After removing the sheet, I massaged what was left of the goop onto my bits and went about my business.
There was no immediate result that I could see, but by that night my ingrowns were noticeably less angry and the skin around my vagina felt silky smooth.
There's also sheet aroma to consider. While I love the lemon scent of my face mask on my face, after a long day, the scent of my own vagina and the lemons blended together to create an aroma that is best described as truly shocking.
I feel like it won't be long until there are vagina sheet masks designed for this purpose. If you can manage, I'd hold out until that day rather than try and DIY one designed for use on the face.