Don't worry about scaring him away.
I finally went on my first date this winter. Yes, my first date was just this year!
As you can imagine, I was in search of a lot of advice before this date. One thing I remember hearing from pretty much everyone was that I should avoid talking about the future within the first few dates.
Otherwise you'll scare him off.
So when I finally went out with this guy I'd met through an online dating site, I made sure not to mention any future plans. Nothing involving marriage, kids or anything else. The only thing I did was ask if he liked animals, because having a pet of some kind down the line is super important to me. On top of that, my mother insists that you can never fully trust someone who doesn't like cats (unless they had a traumatic experience, because obviously they have a good reason).
On our third date, we started talking about college. We talked about his going to a trade school for a bit and then we talked about my going to a secular public college, despite the fact that I am a religious Jew and had a religious education before that.
When he asked me what kinds of schools I thought about wanting to send my kids to, I told him that I was happy with my elementary school and college. He congratulated me on making it through secular college without compromising my religion, but explained that he did not want any of his kids going to a secular college, if they went to college at all.
I could tell this was something he thought was the right thing to do — the only right thing to do — which I firmly disagree with. I also realized that this guy wouldn't approve of my friends who also went to secular colleges.
Needless to say, I ended that relationship.
If he hadn't brought up the question of how I wanted to raise my kids in terms of education, we might not have figured out we had such different beliefs until the situation came up and by then, there could've been a divorce and children involved.
But the big things, important and fundamental things, are important to talk about. Even early on. Because there are some things you should never have to compromise on.
I’m not talking about which diapers to get or whether should you take away a kid’s phone as a punishment. Those are the kind of things that you discuss when the situation comes up. It’s hard to imagine what you both might think in the moment.
But you know the things that are important to you, and as such, you know what's worth fighting for. Whether it's important to you that your kids only go to private schools or that they know about religion or even which religion you would want to teach them about if you're of different faiths.
Because you should never have to compromise on your beliefs.
So why wait to ask the important questions and waste time dating someone and falling for them if you have different viewpoints on the fundamental things that matter?
And there's nothing wrong with discussing the possibilities for that future you guys are looking for. It will save both of you money, and time, and heartbreak.
And that makes it well worth some guy thinking you're asking too many questions, and possibly moving to fast.