7 Ways To Know If You're A Lesbian (And Not Just Sexually Curious)

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am I a lesbian

Let the wondrous journey begin!

If you are wondering how to figure out if you're a lesbian, there's one very obvious answer: You are attracted to women and have sex with them. 

But being that glib can undermine the journey of someone's sexual exploration. You don't just wake up and know you're lesbian. At least, that's the not the case for every single woman. More often than not, it's a gradual process that involves letting go of societal and familial expectations, learning what you love and like, and learning to love yourself. 

There are a few signs that you're a lesbian, rather than just a curious straight person:

1. You're fantasizing about women

You can be a straight woman and fantasize about having sex with another woman. That doesn't make you a lesbian, that just makes you curious and horny.

Congratulations, you're a human being.

But if you find your fantasy life is exclusively dominated by thoughts of being with or touching other women, you could be a lesbian. (Or maybe, of course, bisexual.)


2. You're attracted to women 

This is the most "duh" obvious sign. Attracted to women? Yeah, you might be a lesbian. Attracted to women AND men? You might be bisexual. You will never know for sure until you explore these attractions in the real world. It could turn out that you want to BE the woman you're attracted to, rather than being under her. Only one way to know for sure. 

3. You're questioning 

If you're online researching stuff like "am I a lesbian" or "how to tell if I'm a lesbian" that's a strong indicator that you're questioning your sexual orientation. If these questions are on your mind, you very well might be a lesbian. 

4. You're checking out women 

If you're eyes are drawn to women walking down the street, if you're lingering over the way she walks or the shape of her butt in those jeans, and you find yourself salivating then you are definitely attracted to women, at the very least.

Do you look at men the same way when they walk down the street, or is it just the female form that earns your attention? You might be a lesbian. 


5. You're watching romantic comedies differently

Your friends watch romantic comedies to revel in the fantasy of a picture perfect romance complete with happy ending. You're watching secretly hoping that the heroine opts out of running off with the guy and instead acknowledges that love has been there for her all along in the form of her plucky and adorable best friend. 

6. You're feeling more comfortable with the lesbian community 

You've gone to a lesbian bar and felt more than comfortable, you felt welcomed. You might even willing to cut your hair ultra short, even if it means looking "a little butch". You don't care if people laugh at you for blasting old Melissa Etheridge tracks while on road trips.

You aren't out as a lesbian yet, but you're definitely out as loving lesbian culture, and probably with good reason. 

7. You're finding men attractive but definitely not sexy 

This may came as a shock to some, but you can be a lesbian and still find men attractive. It's like being a straight woman and still acknowledging that Angelina Jolie is a babe among babes. That doesn't mean you want to go down on her, but you have eyes in your head.

If you're wondering if you're a lesbian when you're still attracted to men, that could be the case. 


The great thing about wondering if you're a lesbian is that it's all about what makes you happiest. This is all about you, and nobody else. Maybe one of these signs speaks to you, maybe they don't. That's the beauty of growing as a person and coming to a greater understanding about your sense of self and the role your sexual orientation plays.

You're more than a stereotype, you're a living, breathing, constantly evolving human being.

Trust yourself and trust your support system. Questioning is the first step on the road to true happiness.


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