THERE IS NO "GUY" SO STOP ASKING.
Being a lesbian is awesome. I mean, what's better than a woman, right? NOTHING. While the LGBT community has made tremendous strides, lesbians and other community members still face judgment, misconceptions, and casual persecution and discrimination.
If you're straight and you want to be a good ally to your lesbian friends, being attuned to this kind of behavior in yourself and others is crucial. Sometimes we say things without thinking, but if we make a concerted effort to listen, we can correct our behaviors and be even better friends to our lesbian sisters.
I asked a group of anonymous lesbians what they wish they could say to people about being a lesbian, and they were happy to oblige.
1. "We don't automatically know your know your lesbian friend."
You know how one person of one race doesn't know all other people of that race because that is an insane thing to think. The same applies here. TL;DR version, don't be stupid.
2. "Um, we don't all love cats."
They are gay people, straight people, cat people, and dog people. Deciding you are attracted to women does not mean you wake up one morning and get a cat, although that's not a bad idea.
3. "We're not all butch, we don't all wear plaid and boots."
You'll notice a common theme in these responses: being a lesbian doesn't mean one person has to be exactly one way. While some women enjoy a butch or boyish look, others don't. It's just that simple.
4. "We're not all lipstick loving femmes, and that's awesome!"
Yep, it goes this way too. A woman in a YSL day dress with a bright red lip and three inch heels can absolutely be a lesbian, and thank goodness.
5. "I've had sex with many, many men."
6. "Shocker: I am not that into oral sex."
You know how some guys don't like blowjobs? Some lesbians would rather you kept your mouth away from her downstairs. Different strokes for different folks, etc.
7. "We're mostly all friends with all our exes, cliche but a cliche that's true."
It is more common for lesbians to maintain relationships with their exes. This isn't necessarily a good thing OR a bad thing, but it a reality.
8. "Oh god, please don't ask me if I'm the guy. In this relationship there is no guy. We're both girls."
In a lesbian relationship there is no "guy". There are two women. What you're asking about are gender roles, and lesbians are lucky because by the very nature of their relationship they have an easier time bucking them.
9. "If you ask me how I do sex, I will ask you how you do sex."
We're all curious about things we don't understand, but when we're getting pizza with our coworkers maybe don't ask how we fuck our girlfriends, okay? I mean, it's just tacky.
10. "It's crazy how many people wanna know how I'm going to get pregnant. Attention everyone, it's not your business."
Getting pregnant is a woman's choice. If she's with a partner, she might want to take their opinions into consideration. But whatever she decides to do, and however she decides to do it is up to her. You wouldn't ask your straight friend how she got pregnant, you'd just be happy for her. The same goes here.