50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh)

"Roses are red, violets are blue, i've got five fingers and the middle one's for you."

Can you see the "fuck you" in my smile?

I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today.

I guess those enlargement pills are working because you're twice the dick you were yesterday.

I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.

Is your ass jealous of all that shit coming out of your mouth?

The jerk store called. They're running out of you.

There are two sides to every story, but you're a douche in both of them.

No, No. Please keep your stupid to yourself.

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

Being a dick won't make yours any bigger.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

oh, I'm sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

The trash get's picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Goest & fucketh thyself.

I love the sound you make when you SHUT UP.

Too bad you can't photoshop an ugly personality.

You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.

I wish more people were fluent in silence.

Hey trainwreck, this isn't your station.

I've found puddles deeper than you.

Some people think they are champagne in a tall glass, when actually they are more like lukewarm piss in a plastic cup.

I've met some pricks in my time, but you, my friend, are the fucking cactus.

If you ran like your mouth, you'd be in good shape.

No, i checked my receipt. I didn't buy any of your bullshit.

"B*tch please, I can remove 90% ofo your 'beauty' with a wet kleenex."

"There's no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time."

"If you don't shut your mouth, the next thing to come out of it will be your teeth."

"You sir, are the human version of period cramps."

"If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level."

"I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life."

"Sorry dear, in order for you to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though."

"I don't regret burning my bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burnt them."

"Shock me. Say something intelligent."

"No I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you."

"I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse." —Ariana Grande

"Dear haters, I couldn't help but notice that 'Awesome' ends with me and 'Ugly' starts with U."

If you show me you don't give a fuck. I'll show you that I'm better at it.

I hope you step on a lego.

I would slap you but shit splatters.

"Sure, you're street smart. Sesame street smart."

"I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure that the earth revolves around the sun and not you."

"Zombies eat brain. You're safe."

Person: You're ugly.

Me: Good. I was trying to look like you today.

"The only way you'll get laid is to crawl up a chicken and WAIT."

"Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there."

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in a zoo. Don't be mad, I'll be there too. Not in a cage. But laughing at you."