You don't have time for those that don't want you.
There's also nothing that pisses me off more than women pointing the finger at men when it comes to dating and relationships. If I see one more post about why "dating sucks" or "online dating doesn't work," or if I hear "there are no good men out there," I'm going to freak out and you're going to see me on YouTube as the crazy lady screaming through the streets of Boston. So let's not go there, shall we?
How about this: I want to help you, I do. I want you to feel empowered to spot the good ones, and I want you to own your part in the unfolding of your love story, because, listen, you play a big part in your love story. It takes two to tango. Here are three ways to tell that he's emotionally unavailable, and that you are, too.
1. He's inconsistent.
Love is consistent. He doesn't just want you some of the time, he wants you all the time. He's emotionally unavailable when you have great times hanging out, but there are big lapses in when he calls you and when he makes plans. Seeing you once a month is not an available person. If he doesn't call, he's just not that into you.
How it looks for you: you're not consistent emotionally. I know, I know, no one is happy all the time, and I'm not asking you to be. But I am asking you to take responsibility for your emotions. If you're all over the place, you're not emotionally available.
You have to be responsible for how you feel in order to have a healthy, emotionally mature relationship. He can't be the reason you're happy or sad. Be happy no matter what. Be consistent with how you feel each day, loving yourself and loving your life.
2. He only talks about himself.
He doesn't ask you questions. This is subtle, so you really have to pay attention. The emotionally unavailable guy is often the one who is the most charismatic and outgoing. If it's all about him, it will never be all about you. A healthy relationship is Me + We. There's space for both of us to shine. If he's taking up all the space, there's no room for you.
How it looks for you: He's only talking about himself and you're only thinking about yourself. You're in your head constantly about whether or not he likes you, or if you're going to say or do the right thing. You just want a partner versus wanting to truly connect with someone and create an epic relationship.
If you're dating on the hunt and judging every person you meet, you're not emotionally available. If you're dating just hoping to be able to change your Facebook relationship status, do some work to check in with why you want a relationship and make yourself available to receive.
3. He's never direct in what he wants with you.
Listen ladies, if he wants you, you'll know. If you're hanging out with this guy, and you find yourself constantly wondering if he likes you and don't really know where the relationship is going, the answer is: it's going nowhere. If a guy is available, he's going to be direct with what he wants, and he's going to want you.
How it looks with you: You're never direct with what you want. You aren't vulnerable in sharing what you want from him. At this point, you've been ignoring all the signs that he's emotionally unavailable, and you know you're just pretending like you don't and hoping he will change. Or worse, you're telling yourself it's all OK, even though you're not happy.
You're emotionally unavailable if you're not speaking up for yourself in what you want or creating a vision for your own life. A healthy relationship is created by two people being really clear about what they want, how they feel, and where they are going in their life. Hopefully, when dating you're connecting from vision together.
Are there emotionally unavailable men out there? Yes. Are there emotionally available men out there? Yes. If YOU are emotionally unavailable, can you heal and change? Yes. Are you worthy and deserving of an epic relationship? Yes.
You are the prize, my dear. You don't have time for those that don't want you. Own your part in the unfolding of your love story. You're not a princess, you're a queen.