Feelings aren’t something you “catch,” they’re something you have.
I don’t know about you, but I used to be terrified of crying in front of other people.
When I was a kid, I used to cry at the drop of a hat, and then promptly run into another room and hide. I’ve learned this is partly because of the responsibility I felt to be the “happy kid,” and partly because I learned at a very young age (after accidentally looking into a mirror while sobbing) that I am a very, very ugly crier.
So for the majority of my life, I’ve kept things light and saved all my tears for locked bedrooms and secret journals.
The only person I ever felt comfortable enough to be that vulnerable around was my mom, and that’s only because as soon as I’d start crying, she’d start laughing; because as mentioned before, I’m a very ugly crier.
One time she even made me take my glasses off because she “couldn’t handle my eyes being that big.”
Emotions draw attention to the most raw and human parts of our soul that are kind of embarrassing, and we’d rather not let anyone else see.
I think there’s a fear — especially among the emotionally repressed of my generation — that being real will only get you hurt. That the only way to win in love and life is to not give a f*ck. Swallow all your sorrows and post another selfie.
That’ll show ‘em.
The problem with that logic, is that is never works. It’s a temporary fix to a permanent problem of self-doubt.
Glossing over your feelings with a funny meme and two-minute long Snapchat story may prove to the world that you’re fine and impenetrable to any kind of human weakness — but you can’t fool yourself.
Confidence is directly related to honesty. There’s no way around it.
Fake it till you make it does not exist.
Your brain isn’t subconsciously building up your ego while you ignore pain that’s been living inside you for years. In fact, I’d say the opposite is happening.
Your brain knows you’re faking it, and it’s constantly reminding you of your fraudulent behavior. That’s why every time you post a picture (that you know you took some time to “recreate” from a Pinterest post you saw), you get a sinking feeling that no one will like it.
That’s why you constantly refresh your post with the hope of feedback and validation.
Once the likes start rolling in and people start commenting “YASSS QUEEEEEN,” you can sit back, and take a breath.
Because they haven’t figured it out yet.
You can live this way, and for a good long time too. But if you want real, authentic happiness and self confidence, you kinda have to be a real person about it.
You have to be open about your feelings and your fears in order to move forward.
Personally, writing it out has been super helpful for me. You have to get real about what you're really feeling in order to find the source of your pain.
When you do that, the tears will come — and eventually, you won't care who it's in front of.