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It shouldn't be so clinical!
By Aly Walansky — Written on Aug 24, 2016
Intercourse-only sex is often not very good sex, and the way our culture has tended to define real sex as only intercourse doesn't help matters.
"The things that can make sex most satisfying and arousing are often slighted as 'foreplay,' and we don't actually teach enough about why these things are crucial to enjoyment for many women. Those activities might seem like kid stuff, but they are some of the most sophisticated sexual activities you can do — and they can be highly, highly pleasurable," says Carol Queen, sexologist for Good Vibrations.
Pay attention to every part of the run-up to intercourse and give it as much focus as all the rest of sex. The kissing, touching, caressing, connecting; the first genital contact with hands and mouth; the building arousal — that kind of focus will improve your sex life vastly.
Sex plays a big role in romantic relationships and in many ways can improve a couple's bond. Here are seven ways to make sex so much more than just intercourse.
1. Always start with foreplay, no excuses.
We all know foreplay is a great way to get both parties ready for action. Don't skip out on it.
"Not just a little kissing before sex, but make an event out of it! Light some candles in the bedroom. Burn some incense. Put on some sexy, romantic music," says Singer.
2. Give each other a sensual massage.
Your woman certainly won't be complaining about you giving her a sensual massage. Be sure to take turns so you can both experience the soothing touch. All of these little touches will add to the mutual experience.
3. Don't forget the afterplay.
Once both partners have been satisfied, spend a little bit of time cuddling. Beyond simple cuddling and cooing, have a glass of wine together. Feed each other grapes. Anything that you both enjoy doing together will take things to the next level of intimacy.
4. Kiss each other in all different ways.
"There are so many types of kisses and so much you do with kissing — on the lips, of course; on both your and his erogenous zones: neck, ears, wrists, nipples, inner thighs, back, behind the knees, the bum, even feet; anything and everything between the legs. Think about creating a marathon makeout session for at least 30 minutes before you even consider penetration," says sex expert Dana Myers of Booty Parlor.
5. Pay attention to the erogenous zones.
"Massage is great for slowing down and reconnecting with your lover before you head into home base. It relieves stress and stimulates the senses instead of rushing into intercourse. Be sure to use a good massage oil — one with a smooth, non-sticky texture, and warm it up in between your palms to increase the heat. Your goal is to keep it sexy," says Myers.
6. Touch each other slowly.
"Manual stimulation is fantastic foreplay because it can deliver sweet satisfaction in ways that penetration simply can't. Glide your lover's hand on the outside of your clothes first, and then let your partner continue over your panties. Eventually, slide his hands underneath them. Taking it slow, layer by layer, is a surefire way to stretch out your sensual experience and prolong your pleasure," says Myers.
7. Ban intercourse for a week or two.
"My clients who prefer not to have sex while on their periods find that the week of menstruation can be the hottest sex of the month, as they're forced to push their comfort zone and use their toys, hands, lube, mouths and tongues to reach orgasm. It can be super-hot to orgasm with your panties on!" says Dr. Jess, Astroglide's resident sexologist.
