Better to know now.
I'm 33 years old and I still can't totally suss out how to tell if a guy likes you.
When I say "you," of course, I mean me. I don't know even know you, and after all, though I have many skills, psychic abilities are not one of them.
Actually, how to tell if a guy likes you is pretty easy.
By and large to demonstrate the favor he wishes to bestow upon you, he'll do everything in his power to suppress his basest urges.
His biggest dream may be to come on your face, but first he's got to hold open several doors for you in order to indicate that he is not solely a garbage person dreaming only of semen.
If a guy likes you he will treat you well. He will smile at you. He will laugh at your jokes. He will say kind things. He will treat you with the respect you treat a person you plan on keeping in your life for a long while.
It's actually a whole lot harder to tell if a guy doesn't like you.
It's not like we're in kindergarten where they'll just tell you that you smell like poo and run away.
Sometimes guys send mixed messages, making it confusing to tell if they like us. They'll often do things that SEEM nice, but really aren't that great at all.
To clear things up, here are the five things a guy will NEVER do if he actually likes you.
1. He won't make plans.
When you guys are together you have a capital G GREAT time together. But when you're apart, you get radio silence. If you casually suggest a Saturday hangout, he'll agree.
But come Saturday you'll be waiting around until 9 or 10 to hear from him.
Don't waste time or your Stila eye palate on a guy who can't be bothered to give you notice.
2. He'll talk to you about other girls.
In new relationships it's normal for you both to unpack your exes. It's our histories, however tumultuous, that make us who we are and sharing that is natural. But if he talks about his ex and his struggles to get over her, he isn't over her.
If he spots a cute chick and points her out to you, he's long ago relegated you to buddy material. I also think that how a man talks to a woman about other women is proof of his intentions.
If I'm dating a guy and he speaks in a catty way about other women, he's not trying to impress me, he's already lumped me into with one of the sexist bros he hangs with.
3. He'll have sex with you, but you won't talk about it.
Sex means he likes you, right? Wrong. Sex means he wants to orgasm, that's it. You guys can have sex all the time. The sex can be fine, good even.
But when you find yourself unable to talk to him about what you like or don't like, when he won't talk about this stuff outside of the bedroom, he's making it clear that he doesn't have the emotional capacity or maturity to be your full-time guy.
4. He'll never make you feel truly comfortable with him.
If you're an adult woman and you find yourself worrying about what to wear around him, if it's okay to take off your shoes, if your hair looks okay, how to put your arms, he doesn't like you. If a guy likes you, he'll do everything within his power to make you feel comfortable.
If that means risking some funky foot smell because you've been wearing ankle boots all day, so be it. Love is building up to that day when you're comfortable enough to fart in front of each other, not tiptoeing around him at every turn.
5. He'll never initiate contact.
You have fun together, your text exchanges are brilliant and inspired, but when they start it's only ever because you've pinged him. If a guy likes you, he's going to reach out. If he doesn't, he just straight up won't do it.
I've seen enough smitten guys agonize over text messages to know this is true, and I've been the girl constantly texting the guy thinking he's into it when he's not — I know of what I speak.