10 Ways Guys Can Masturbate To Become BETTER At Sex (Yes, Really!)

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Sex

How to get off in a way that'll also make you a better partner.

What is healthy masturbation?

If I'm calling it healthy masturbation does that mean that—by default—there is such thing as unhealthy masturbation? The answer is 'yes and no.'

While any and all solo masturbation is certainly healthy—and encouraged—there is something to be said about certain kinds of masturbation being healthier than others.

Just like how all food isn't equal in terms of nutrient density—some food options are more nourishing than others.

So yes, I will go on the record as saying that masturbation is awesome.

You should do it.

All of the best lovers learn their own arousal response by getting intimately acquainted with their bodies.

But, if you're looking to engage in masturbation from a super-mindful approach, you're in luck.


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Here's what healthy masturbation is NOT: 

An exaggerated example of unhealthy masturbation would be a guy who exclusively masturbates to porn, always ejaculates in under three minutes, and almost always masturbates when he is feeling stressed, anxious, or is unable to fall asleep or calm down. 

When masturbating is almost exclusively used as a tool to help self-soothe, it starts to mess with your neural pathways. The saying "neurons that fire together, wire together" comes to mind. This means that if you're always masturbating when you're stressed or anxious, then sexual arousal will also start to bring anxiety along with it—hello erectile dysfunction!

Masturbating in this aforementioned way will also make you more prone to masturbating compulsively, as opposed to doing it by choice and/or when you're actually feeling sexual feelings.

Alright, I think you get the idea of what unhealthy masturbation looks like. Now on to the good stuff . . .

Healthy masturbation might sound like a lot of work up front, but once you settle into it, you'll have a greater sense of control over your orgasmic response, stronger erections, better sexual stamina, and you'll actually feel a lot more sexual pleasure — with a partner or by yourself.

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Here are some tips on how to practice healthy masturbation:

1. Set up your environment.

Remove distractions—no cell phone, TV—and make sure you won’t be interrupted — by roommates, your kids, or pets — and do whatever it takes to make yourself feel comfortable.

 

2. Choose the right time.

The set and setting matters when it comes to healthy masturbation and timing is a big part of that. Instead of masturbating when you’re sad, anxious, or having trouble falling asleep, do it when you’re alert and feel like cultivating your sexual energy.

Whether it's the morning, afternoon, or evening is irrelevant. What matters is that you choose a time when you feel awake and aroused.

 

3. Use your imagination.

While most of the definitive research that has come in about the negative effects of pornography—on our minds, bodies, and genitals—is regarding larger volumes of porn use, it's still generally best to avoid using porn as much as possible.

The main reason being that porn is outside of yourself and healthy masturbation is all about focusing more of your mental bandwidth on yourself—and not the screen in front of you.

The next step away from masturbating to porn is to masturbating to sexual fantasy in your head. Then, the absolute next-level ideal is that you don't fantasize at all, but actually just focus in on the sensations and pleasure that your body is feeling when you're masturbating.

 

4. Relax your body fully.

Breathe deeply. Check in with your body and see if you notice any major areas of stress or tension.

Whether or not you notice any significant tension in your body, it's good to practice some progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle relaxation is when you systematically scan your body from head to toe and ensure that every part of your body is completely unclenched and relaxed.

 

5. Take your time.

Don't set any timers. Don't have any expectations around how long you 'should' be masturbating for. When you're sitting or lying down to pleasure yourself, the concept of time should be the last thought on your mind.

Remember—there's no timeline. There's no rush.

 

6. The goal is to experience pleasure.

It isn't about crossing a finish line at a certain time or crossing that finish line multiple times or even necessarily crossing it at all. Healthy masturbation is about FEELING.

Drop down out of your head, take your time, and remember what it feels like to really be in your body. Feel how good it feels to simply be experiencing pleasure for it's own sake.

 

7. Explore every part of your body.

I've had 40+ year old male clients who told me that their masturbating experiences have been limited to only penile stimulation and only with one hand. That's the range of sexual pleasure that they had experienced—on their own—in over forty years.

Whaaaaat!? Guys! It's time to shake up how we self-pleasure.

News flash—your body is more than just a big pile of skin with a penis sticking out of it. You have many more erogenous zones that aren't connected to your genitals.

Take the time—using both hands—to explore your body. See what else you like. Maybe you have sensitive nipples that you've never played with. Maybe your inner thighs enjoy being touched gently. Maybe your balls/perineum/anus want some loving.

Whether you're using your bare hands, lube, oil, a vibrator, a toy, a feather, or anything else that you feel like playing with, the sky's the limit.

 

8. Keep breathing.

Often when guys start masturbating, they start holding their breath, tense up their bodies, and self-stimulating at a super-rapid pace. Well guess what? That's a great way to climax quickly.

This isn't necessarily bad but if you're looking to get to know your sexual arousal better, then it's generally better to slow things down and take your time.

One of the simplest ways that you can achieve all of those things simultaneously is to simply keep some awareness on your breathing. Make sure that you're breathing deeply at a relatively slow, measured pace. That'll keep you from racing across the orgasmic finish line sooner than you would have wanted to.

 

9. Turn up the intensity by using toys.

As mentioned above, the slower you're going, the better.

If you want to explore new sensations in your body—while also experimenting with new levels of intensity—I have a few recommendations for sex toys.

If you've been following my writing for a while, you've likely heard of this first toy. The Tenga Flip Hole is the most amazing male masturbator on the market. It differs from most male masturbators in that it doesn't try to emulate a vagina in the slightest. It is simply designed to give you the maximum amount of pleasure possible. The suction can be so intense that you might want to use it every session. But again, I'd recommend using it sparingly and relatively infrequently as well.

If you're not ready to splurge on the male masturbator, you can start out with something smaller, like a mini-vibrator or a narrow butt plug. Yes, I'm recommending men use butt plugs. It's 2016. Men are ready.

Remember—aim to use your hands first and foremost. Sex toys are just the icing on your masturbating cake.

 

10. Be patient and kind with yourself.

If you orgasm faster than you wanted or you don’t orgasm at all, that’s fine. Be kind to yourself.

Again, this whole process is about pleasure and self-exploration. There's no timeline. There is no correct way to do it. It's a pleasurable, non-linear process that is entirely up to you and your hands.

Getting to a place where you're engaging in consistent healthy masturbation is a journey. Don't expect your old habits to turn on a dime and change overnight. Cultivating these new habits is a process. A process that will take time, energy, intention, and a whole lot of increasingly amazing orgasms.

Have fun!

 

Sex and relationship coach Jordan Gray helps people remove their emotional blocks and maintain thriving intimate relationships. You can see more of his writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com

 

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