According to scientists, lots of boobs are important!
The secret to surviving a car crash? Having boobs.
At least, that's the case if you ask surgeon Christian Kenfield and road safety engineer David Logan.
That's exactly what female and boob-having sculptor Patricia Piccinini did as she set to work constructing a sculpture of a man she named "Graham."
Kenfield and Logan worked with Piccinini to create a sculpture who could best represent what a human being would look like if we had evolved to survive car crashes.
It's a disturbing end result, which isn't shocking. It's end result (to promote road safety) I can easily see being achieved.
But I'm kind of surprised that the lady sculptor didn't raise a hand when the decision was made to line Graham's rib cage with so many boobs.
The idea was that the breasts would act as, you got it, cushions in case of impact. They come equipped with inverted nipples to expel fluids and everything, awesome.
But here is what is NOT so awesome: Using your boobs as a cushion. Ever.
While both men and women have (and enjoy) breast tissue, the combination of hormones in our systems as women make our breasts sensitive.
I've tried to explain this to so many dudes over time and have never gotten the reaction and respect such news requires.
So now I just kick them as hard as I can in the balls and then say "now imagine your balls are in the center of your chest."
Weirdly, they still aren't getting it. Probably because of all the agony and the vomiting and what have you.
Graham's anatomy is meant to unsettle and alarm. Just look at his massive head, evolved to protect his brain. His creepy recessed features are designed to keep from shattering in an accident.
I would love to see the female equivalent of this evolutionary monster, because, based on what we all know as women to be true about breasts, surely our bodies would evolve differently.
Or maybe there's a reason they picked a male for their subject.
Maybe the parties involved know that if we're talking about the thousands and thousands of years required for evolution, then by the time Graham is a real deal, all of the women of planet earth will have departed to live some place a whole lot better with men who haven't evolved into monsters because of their basic inability to put on a seatbelt.