8 Stages Of Unsuccessfully Trying To Bail On A Tinder Date

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Tinder
Buzz, Love

Because there's an 85% chance he's a serial killer.

Tinder can be a gigantic black hole where all your relationship dreams go to die, OR it can be another way to meet your one and only. It's all about your perspective. 

Mine as of late has been circling around the first attitude. After a recent breakup, I did the whole download-Tinder-to-distract-myself-from-my-emotions thing and realized just how grim the dating world can be.

My friend once swiped left so many times that the app literally told her she was out of nos. 

If that doesn't depress you a little, I don't know what will. 

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Finding a cute guy on Tinder usually leads to one of the following: a total dud of a conversation (that often starts with "sup") or an exchange SO STRANGE that you screenshot it and send it to all your friends.

There is hardly ever any in-between. 

Now I don't want to be totally bitter. I'm sure there are a few decent guys who are genuinely looking for love sprinkled among all the Tinder fuckery currently available, but they are so rare that I don't think I'd believe them even if fate made me swipe right. 

It's sad, really, that an app made with the intention of bringing people together is one of the sole things that's driving us apart.

But that's the world we live in right now — unless we decide to change our minds. 

We can listen to the few of our friends who actually met and fell in love on Tinder. We can try to keep an open mind, and tell ourselves that the guy with the backwards cap and a bio that reads, "You can't pick your father, but you can choose your daddy," is just misunderstood. I mean, everyone is fixable, right??

We can swallow our pride and stop acting like we're better than Tinder. Because we're not. If we were, we wouldn't be single and treating the search for love the same way we do online shopping. 

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No matter what awful experience you've had with online dating — because I'm sure by now you've had several — it shouldn't stop you from trying.

Making just a slight effort can make all the difference, and at the very least give you a good story.

The more people you talk to, the more chance you have of eventually finding someone normal enough that you agree to meet face-to-face. Like on a date. 

And that's when the real panic sets in. Meeting people IRL is scary, and can make even the strongest person nervous AF.

So you do everything in your power to politely bail, bringing forth the following scenario: 

Texting slows down — like way down.
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The initial conversation was killer on a Tinder scale, meaning you haven't been incredibly offended yet, and he's actually showing an interest in your life. 

Now that meeting each other is on the table, you start playing it cool. Because what says "Hey I might like you," like ignoring someone for two days??

You get unenthusiastic reactions from your friends and concerned ones from your family.
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Literally NOBODY is excited about this date, and the majority of them are recommending a full background check.

Your mom asks for photos, and grills you on getting his last name/social security number. You slowly start remembering that story you saw on the news where a girl was murdered after a Tinder date gone wrong.

Completely paranoid, you turn to the internet for comfort.
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I mean, a little snooping never hurt anyone. Besides, your only intention is to make sure he's not married/psychotic. 

But what happens if you accidentally discover that his cover photo is a skull with flames shooting out of his eyes or that he's one of those awful people who comments nasty things to celebrities on Instagram. WHAT THEN?

You find one tiny negative detail and make the mental decision to bail.
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Maybe you're getting really superficial and realizing he's probably a lot shorter than you. Or you have way too many mutual friends and that would just be weird. Or he liked Vanilla Ice on Facebook. 

All of which are mature, adult reasons to go ahead and assume that any potential relationship is doomed. 

You spend the next several hours trying to come up with a good excuse.
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You could say your grandpa died or that you got the flu, but that's probably really bad karma.

Maybe you could tell him your parents booked you at last minute vacation to Alaska? Maybe you could buy a flight and text him a picture of the ticket as proof?

He texts you and says "See you in 10."
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You panic, get ready, contemplate ghosting, realize you're not capable of being that cold, and leave your house screaming because I GUESS THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING. 

You arrive, and pretend like you've been playing it cool the whole time.
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Even though inside you're slowly dying, and you have 911 on speed dial. 

You immediately order a glass of wine to calm your nerves.
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And you go on date. Maybe it's weird and awkward, and you never talk to him again. Or maybe it's a lot of fun, and you end up really liking him.

No matter what the outcome is, you tried, and you can at the very least feel good about that. 

 

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