One woman's opinion about why sometimes, the ring you want never comes.
If there's one thing that's always eluded me, it's marriage. At times, I had men who wanted to marry me, but I turned them down. Other times, I was desperate to marry the person I was with, only to have them turn me down.
Though it's always been a "close but no cigar" issue for me, I've learned that there definitely are a handful of reasons why some men marry women, and why others don't. I've also learned why men marry some women, while they wouldn't think twice about it with others.
Wondering why he won't pop the question? Here's the honest, no bullsh*t truth in all its brutality.
1. He won't marry until he's sick of being single.
You can cajole. You can beg. You can give him the best sex in the world, shower him with gifts, and have the body of a supermodel, but it won't be enough to convince a guy who is convinced that he isn't ready to pop the question. The fact is that guys usually won't marry a woman until "something" happens.
They need to feel like they no longer fit in with other singles, and this has actually been a phenomenon that has been covered by multiple studies. At this point, most guys will look around them and realize that it's no longer fun to sleep around, that they want something that actually offers security, or that they are just sick of trying to date everything in sight. Some who decide to marry tend to talk about how they no longer fit in the singles scene around them, or how others pity them for being alone.
2. He tends to avoid marriage if he thinks he can get it all without commitment.
Your mom was right when she asked, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" In other words, men do need to get pressured if they are going to propose. They need to be shown that you are willing to leave if they don't propose. They also need to have certain benefits from marriage withheld until a ring is present, such as moving in together.
If you want to get married, make it known and explain your expectations in terms of a time frame. Make it crystal clear, and make them realize that you're ready to walk if you don't get what you want. A good way to frame this without an ultimatum would be, "Listen, I want to be married by the time I'm 30. If I am going to continue with you, I want to know that you can commit to that time frame."
3. He might be using you as a placeholder.
This is the most brutal reason why a guy hasn't proposed. He might like you enough to sleep with you. He might like you enough to date you. He might like you enough to move in with you. But sadly, it could be that he just doesn't see you as wife material regardless of what you do for him.
More often than not, women who end up in this position already pretend to be the guy's wife. He's getting all the benefits of marriage without the actual wedding, and he's fine with that. If you've been together for a while and he refuses to talk marriage, end it. The reason he's stalling is because he's keeping you until he can get someone he deems "better."
4. He might not think you're wife material.
Some guys, even with all the right timing and pressure, won't marry a woman they're dating because they don't see her as being a good wife. This is true even if he really does love her. If you don't cook, don't clean, don't earn a paycheck, and have really bad personality traits, this might be the reason why he's not proposing.
If you've been asking him why he won't pop the question and he won't answer, break it off with him and start improving on yourself. He's already given you the answer as to why he's not asking: he's not seeing you as a good wife for him.
5. He doesn't trust you.
Some guys just hate the idea of getting hitched because they think they have too much to lose and very little to gain. (Generally speaking, I call these men "idiots" and "f*ckboys," since they don't ever seem to notice the very well-documented long term benefits of a good marriage.)
Most men who don't believe in marriage will tell you, flat-out, that they don't want to marry you. Believe them, and move on. Don't try to argue with this idiot. It's just not worth the uphill battle.
6. He's a mama's boy.
This is just personal experience, but I've noticed that men who are overly attached to their mother never really tie the knot without being dragged kicking and screaming to the altar. If his mom decides to put up a fight over him, it's almost always a losing battle for the would-be bride.
7. He's got "grass is greener" syndrome.
Some guys, when in a relationship, want to be single. Then, when they're single, they want to be in a relationship. They keep wondering whether there's someone out there that could do better, or if they could maybe strike it rich one day and be surrounded by models. They want to keep their options open because they're douchebags who don't realize that their good looks have an expiration date, too.
With this, it's not necessarily that he's using you; it's that he's constantly badged by "what if's" that are going on in his own mind. If he can't see what you're worth, let him go. Your grass will be greener without him in the picture.
8. You two don't want the same thing.
Would you share a taxi headed to California if you really wanted to go to Florida? Of course not. Many people see marriage as the same thing in this sense. If you have life goals that have nothing to do with what he wants in life, he realizes it won't work out. As a result, he won't ask you to marry him.
9. He can't grow the f*ck up.
Is he 35 and hanging out with 18 year olds on the regular? Is he 40 and still "figuring himself out"? Eff. That. Noise. This is a guy who keeps thinking he's 21, and that he's going to live like a young dude until he has dentures in his mouth. Don't try to get Peter Pan to grow up. Pursuing him will most likely only make you look like a nag to anyone who sees you with him or just end up in heartbreak.
10. There's someone else he would rather be with.
In this case, he thinks you're great ... but someone else is greater. A lot of guys will propose to someone only months after breaking it off with someone they've been with for years. Sadly, this is a sign that he really may have been holding out a candle for this other person, or someone like her, for years.
In this case, it's not that he viewed you as a placeholder. Rather, it's that he had settled for you until someone he thought he couldn't attain came through, and he decided to pursue her instead.
11. He wants a sugar mama.
Here's something that's happened to at least one person I know: a guy dumped her because she didn't make enough money. She then found out that he married someone else, three months later, who made more than she did. It ended up that he was just looking for money, not love.
If you don't make a lot of money, it could be a dealbreaker for some men. That being said, he was single within the year, so don't feel like karma didn't offer payback.
The bottom line? There are a lot of reasons why he doesn't want to marry you.
It doesn't matter why he didn't want to marry you. What matters is that he didn't appreciate what he had, and that he probably never will. If he doesn't want to marry you, it's time to find someone who will. Even if he's good to you, it's not worth being strung along for years waiting for him to realize you really are "The One."