All hail the V.
I spent the majority of my life not talking about my vagina.
Thanks to my very shy nature as a child, I wasn't too adamant about discussing my mysterious lady parts with my girlfriends let alone my doctor. My vagina was an unspoken area of my body, off-limits to anyone except under an extreme medical life-or-death situation. Like my period.
I've never really been grateful for my period for obvious, uterus-crushing reasons (except for the the fact I'm not carrying any of my exes' children), until I realized that it was the sole reason I started talking about my vagina. It was almost like I finally a member of club womanhood, and I now had the right to complain about things like cramps and tampons.
No long an outsider, I embraced the change with the sense of over-entitlement like I usually have and assumed that everyone would be as excited as me.
Spoiler alert: they were not.
Every single male member of my family turns slightly pale at the mention of menstruation, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't touch a tampon if their life — or mine — depended on it. My friends were equally grossed out by their body parts until the end of high school where the switched flipped and literally everything became sexual. So mentioning my vagina out loud in the cafeteria was less empowering and more slutty.
Like all important moments in life, nothing really balanced out until my 20s. Finally, talking about my vagina isn't such a big whoop and means nothing more than the fact that I'm a lady, and I have one. Victory.
One of the fun perks of talking about your vagina is the hundreds of thousand of pet names you could give it. While most of them (the majority of which were probably created by men) kind of make me want to hurl, there are a few that I've really adopted into my adult vocabulary.
So whether you're want jazz up the forms you fill out in the doctor's office or you're trying to tell a subtle story that won't peak the interest of the office creep, these 8 vagina terms will be sure to do the trick:
1. Va Jay Jay
This is my current favorite because not only is it cute and sassy, but it kind of makes me feel like my vagina is an after hours DJ.
2. Pink Taco
Some may find this one a little gross, but I love tacos and the color pink. Less subtle, so maybe don't use this on a first date okay???
BECAUSE MY VAGINA IS PRECIOUS AF.
4. Nether Regions
This makes my vagina sound mysterious and hard to get — both of which are true (*wink*).
5. Lady Business
Like....how more empowering can you get?
Vaginas literally bring the party so this one makes total sense.
7. Cookie, cupcake, etc
Anything that compares my vagina to a sweet treat I'm totally cool with.
I just like the way it sounds.