Big boobs ARE, in fact, very much what they are cracked up to be.
As a woman with big boobs, the time has come to stop our whining refrain.
I don't know when it started, but at some point women with big boobs stopped being proud and started explaining to everyone why having a giant rack wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Instead of accepting praise for our big boobs we began asking for pity.
Would Anna Nicole Smith stand for such nonsense? Absolutely not. She'd titty slap a stranger and eat a whole pie while laughing.
Sure, having big boobs isn't all sunshine and lollipops all the time, but you know what else isn't always awesome?
Being a human being who exists on the earth.
Instead of bemoaning our outcast fate, let's bust some of the myths about the downside of having big boobs that seem to be everywhere these days, shall we?
Lie #1: It's hard to find clothes that fit when you have big boobs
Maybe this one is true the first week you have boobs, but after that, you kind of know what works for you. I don't often wear button down shirts because they gap, nor do I wear wrap dresses because I hate constantly adjusting my top all day. My credit card bill can confirm that I have no trouble finding clothes that fit my bodacious bod.
Lie #2: Big boobs give me back pain
I'm an EE and I've got no back pain. Sometimes I get whiplash but that's from the speed at which I'm throwing shade on others. Of course some women have back pain, but not all of us: our bodies were designed to carry this load.
Lie #3: Big boobs make exercising impossible
Not even remotely true. If it were trust me, I'd be using this excuse every single day of the week instead of slogging over to the gym to get on the treadmill. Get a good sports bra and shoes and you're ready to rock.
Lie #4: Bras are so expensive when you have big boobs
Lie #5: Big boobs are awful in the summer
Sure, big boobs get sweaty, but I mean, little boobs do too. This is what showers are for. Also laundry.
Lie #6: Big boobs make you look fat
No, they make you look like you have big boobs. Big difference.
Lie #7: You have to sleep in a bra when you have big boobs
No one should be sleeping in a bra in the hopes of keeping their breasts perky. That's a big ol' myth presumably perpetuated by Big Brassiere, the most powerful of the government lobbies.
Lie #8: You can't sleep on your stomach with big boobs
Pssssssht, kid I can't NOT sleep on my stomach.
Lie #9 Big boobs are at higher risk for cancer
For a while a myth circulated that if you have to wear a bra ( no one HAS to, btw, they don't stop sagging) you're at a higher risk for cancer. This has been well and thoroughly debunked, but almost no one knows it.
Lie #10: We work out to make our big boobs smaller
Untrue. You can't make just one part of your body smaller through aerobic exercise. Women with big boobs work out for the same reason all other women do: to make ourselves so small that we don't take up any space on earth that rightfully belongs to men. Jk jk. Sort of.
Lie #11: Men are obsessed with big boobs
Men are obsessed with ALL boobs. Also butts. And feet. And, you know, all of it.
What myths about big boobs do you think need busting?