If He Wants You, Nothing Will Keep Him Away. If Not...

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If Man Wants You, Nothing Can Keep Him Away. If He Doesn’t
Love, Self

Nothing will make him stay.

Most rom-com behavior would get you thrown in jail these days. Following a girl everywhere she goes? Stalker. Standing outside in the rain playing Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes? Creeper. Hanging on a ferris wheel and saying you'll drop unless she dates you? Emotional blackmail, plus trespassing.


Some people would say romance is dead. I'd say good riddance to freakish misogency.

Regardless of rom-com moments being out of the question, if a guy wants you, nothing can keep him away. He'll be persistent. He'll ask you out again and again  "Maybe your answer changed?" He'll show up at your favorite bar and send you drinks not quite stalking, but close. He'll send you flowers. He'll offer to carry your bag, hold doors, and generally act like a gentleman.

I knew a guy like that, a guy named Josh. We called him Punk Josh because he wore Doc Martens and a big ringed belt that jingled. Josh was madly in love with me. I might have been madly in love with him... if I wasn't dating someone else at the time.


But he'd show up at my apartment, brown-bag alcohol in hand. We'd heard his belt, knew he was coming, and didn't open the door. So he'd go down the street to my friend Jessica's, collapse on her couch and lament, "I love Alissa soooooo much." He got me Valentines. He got me balloons. He got me flowers, and he waited in my lobby for me to pick them up. He opened the door for me.

Nothing I did could get rid of Josh. We blatantly didn't open the door when he came calling. I told him I didn't like him. I thanked him for the Valentines but told him they weren't relevant. Nothing worked. Eventually he fell off into alcoholism and Adderall, and forgot about me.

On the other hand, if a guy doesn't want you, nothing will make him stay. You can make a total fool of yourself, flash him, drunk-dial, proposition him in the lewdest way, and it's just not going to happen. Just like the girl pursued by the guy who doesn't want her, he's going to ignore you. All you'll do is embarrass yourself.


I had a guy like this: Lee. Lee and I had one night of serious, mind-blowing, ridiculously hot sex, and he never spoke anything but his Starbucks order to me again. I was desperate for him. He was hot, he was rich, and he was a total arrogant assh*le. I didn't care.

I made a habit of coming up with terrible comments when he ordered his quadruple espresso. "My dog misses you," I'd say. "Want to go out for drinks tonight?" I'd ask another morning. "Want to come over tonight?" I said once. I openly leered at him and did everything short of follow him to his car (though I thought about it). Lee wasn't having it. He didn't want me, and nothing would make him stay.

Sometimes, when a guy wants you, he manages to wear you down. This happened with my future husband, Causey.

Causey met me at teacher orientation at the university. We talked about our mutual love for video games, so the next time I saw him, he gave me an old school Nintendo poster he just "happened to have lying around." He also gave me his extra parking pass next to campus, which was worth at least $500 on the student black market. He didn't care.

He started inviting me out drinking, after which I'd crash on his couch. He was always chivalrous: I crashed on the couch, no bed invites. He asked me to drive him around and show him stuff in town: the good mall, the best thrift stores. He bought a hammock and hung it on his killer back porch, then told me I could chill there between classes.


Causey had mad game. Finally, one night, when his brother came to visit, we went out and got drunk. I ended up in his bed, and all his efforts paid off. He wanted me and nothing was going to stop him. He managed it without being a stalker and was very, very, very good at it.

Just like Causey eventually got me, there's the flip side. If a guy doesn't want you, like Lee, nothing will make him stay. You can act the fool and beg, but you're out of luck. For some reason, he doesn't want you. It sucks. It's inexplicable. But there it is.

If you're not going to look the fool, you need to accept it and move on to someone else. Someone like Causey.



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